Eddy - Thanks for the words of encouragement old friend. I'm with you on the healing and feeling good part. For the most part, I feel great. I'm happy with myself and I see the same for you. It is a true testament to how far we have grown as people.
Betsey - I've missed you too! You always ask the tough questions. Questions that make me think. I have the answers, but they may be difficult to implement and adhere to.
It became clear to me last night what I think she wants, at least what my intuition is telling me now. The question is do I come straight out and ask her what the heck she wants and what the purpose of last night was? This is where I'm confused. Is this pressure or clearly communicating, or both?
She has sent me 2 "notes" last week. One that said the stuff above about how our lives and friendship was so precious to her. That same note she mentions somthing about an advisor she met, and that WE should meet with the advisor because the advisor had a lot of good ideas, similar to my ideas (business) we've talked about in the past. She signs off with I'll talk to you soon! Another note came 2 days later, forwarding a statement that didn't need to be forwarded.
I called her on Monday and asked if we could set aside some time to talk after work because it is hard for her at work (because she cries). She was in a upbeat mood, said "sure" and offered up Tuesday night after dinner with her father(in the past she has refused to talk to me or see me on Tuesday, "her only day off"). WTF??
I agreed to that time. My intent was to talk on the phone and ask her about meeting with the advisor and what she meant by that (like why should WE meet with the advisor, you know?). But she was eager to meet in person.
I'm a little confused as to why but I agree wondering what she has to say. I'm willing to listen. I show up and for 2 hrs we talk about nothing. Chit chat. She was definitely more engaging than I, but I was engaging at times as well. I waited for her to bring up any topics about papers, her feelings, whatever. Nothing except some references to the lives of some of her 40+ clients (some married, some not, some with children, etc) and how they are happy with the choices they made. She did say that unpacking was very hard.
My intuition tells me this is her idea of a friendship going forward. An hour or two once a month or so. This is her attempt at rebuilding our friendship. She of course has a variety of feelings still, but unsure what they are.
If I go along this path with her will this lead to further warm and fuzzies, enough for her to attempt reconciliation? Not sure.
I'm willing to be her friend only on my terms. That is what is good for me right now. The first term is her not seeing OM. I can't support that and I won't support her while she is seeing him. The second term is her being recognizing her part in this and efforts to attempt to reconcile.
Beyond that I don't want anything to do with her. That is how I feel given how I've been treated and my sincere attempts to improve have been treated. Do I come right out and tell her my terms or not?
If I do, is this too much too fast? Pressure I mean? My intuition and experience tells me yes? Opinions?
Although this is how I would like to be communicated with, I'm reminded of the 5LL. This may not be the most "effective" way to communicate with her. Is this a gender thing?
It really may be best to let this naturally take its course and not bring it up. If she makes another attempt at her idea of friendship, then decide how to respond?
That is the part I get confused on. This feeble attempt at friendship may be the first step on the path at reconnecting/reconciliation. But that is not enough for me right now.
I am tired of the craziness. I want this behind me and not have to deal with the energy drain.
If she were to commit to reconciling and working on our relationship I would consider it.
I don't want to enable her to continue on this path. She can no longer have it both ways.
Do I sound like a WA?
I'm looking to you all to share your experiences.
Has your WA come right out and said they want to reconcile?
How much of being friends on their terms was needed for that?
Did you ever outline what is acceptable to you? Offered up choices for them that were acceptable to you too?
