First post here...just starting to GAL and 180.

[PsySara]

Buxom,
Try to focus on consistency, this takes a lot of trial and error. If I had been in your situation (WH coming to me about laundry and having a "hurt" tone) I would not have gone to his room to "temp check." He is going to push your buttons, ebb and flow, be up and down. You will respond by being calm, confident and steady. You mentioned being polite by going to his room, it would not have been rude to simply stay in your room and settle in for the night. You wanted to soothe your anxiety by going to his room and him possibly being nice before bed time, this is codependency. I know because I have been there, done that. The biggest challenge for me was learning to self soothe, to not use my WH as a way to know how to feel. It hurts me when WH talks about missing the OW, about hw he felt in love with her and never has had that for me. Instead of showing my anguish and dissecting (and defending myself) his every word I just kept repeating the mantra "Believe NOTHING they say and only half of what they do."

Right now your WH is actively involved in an EA at best and a PA at worst. He doesn't care if you love him, he is not loving you right now. Logic, love, gifting will not work, it appears desperate and pursuing. When he is in the house in the evenings I would leave for an hour, go drive around and call a friend to chat. The 180 is for YOU and not for WH. When I am spiraling very hard I will go to YouTube and either watch a video by MWD or a TED talk about self care. It does help, even a little is better than nothing. I would also suggest going through BluWave's threads, she went through he// and back and has a lot of good, concrete advice.