Trying to be the supportive lighthouse I went to his room to say good night, it's only polite. I said I was following your lead when you took over doing things for yourself, it was not meant to hurt you. He said I understand sarcastically, and in a sing song like tone like he used to when he was drunk and misunderstanding me. He's hurting and I feel badly. It was a nice evening! Is this a test like the touch and go? It feels like he was trying to do some brief reconnected lately and I've been waiting for a test. I was calm, I did not take on his house maid dutites, I spoke my truth and acknowledged my intent not to hurt. And yet, we both are. Yup, he's done wrong and continues to not be remorseful verbally for the A. What can I do to improve next time????
Me54 WH48 S18 D16 M 22 T 24 EA-PA-EA 2011-2015 Separated 10/14 - 06/15 BD1 02/14 BD2 05/16 BD3 08/21/16 and began drinking again Working on me and liking me again
I did go to him to say good night, as it's only polite and I wanted to show the lighthouse feeling. Told him it was not intended to hurt him and that I was just allowing him to do what he needed to do. He said, I understand in a sarcastic sing song tone that he used to use when he was drunk and bent on misunderstanding me by blocking my intention. Felt so hurt and I realised how hurt he was too. I said good night and he said close my door. Another indication of blocking me out. We had had a great evening!! I went to bed hurt and angry and not looking forward to this morning! Stay the course and be friendly and consistent without trying too hard or show my pain and regret. The easy thing would have been to do the laundry. Thoughts??
Me54 WH48 S18 D16 M 22 T 24 EA-PA-EA 2011-2015 Separated 10/14 - 06/15 BD1 02/14 BD2 05/16 BD3 08/21/16 and began drinking again Working on me and liking me again
Thanks cadet. U r right. I did it for me so I could sleep and I guess tried to reassure him. Thinking back it was not productive and likely drew more attention to the hurt for us both. Do you think it he was testing me?
Me54 WH48 S18 D16 M 22 T 24 EA-PA-EA 2011-2015 Separated 10/14 - 06/15 BD1 02/14 BD2 05/16 BD3 08/21/16 and began drinking again Working on me and liking me again
Me54 WH48 S18 D16 M 22 T 24 EA-PA-EA 2011-2015 Separated 10/14 - 06/15 BD1 02/14 BD2 05/16 BD3 08/21/16 and began drinking again Working on me and liking me again
And not sure if this has been mentioned but re-connection happens in the reverse order of bomb drop.
First reconnects with things, then pets, then children, and finally with us. This can be a very longggggg process.
Cadet - I didn't know that other than the longggg part. Makes huge sense based on what I'm seeing in my own sitch. My W is up to the pets stage ;-)
Know that this is one of the possible paths helps me a lot with my own struggles.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I've heard about the reverse connection. In the past few months he's done reconnect with friends, kids, and some with family but they r not responsive. He's still depressed, meds but NO c.
I think it's touch and go stuff with me but I still wonder if his laundry question was a test for me to see where I was at?
Me54 WH48 S18 D16 M 22 T 24 EA-PA-EA 2011-2015 Separated 10/14 - 06/15 BD1 02/14 BD2 05/16 BD3 08/21/16 and began drinking again Working on me and liking me again
