Don't know what to do

[Coconut]

Mono, is your H aware that your seriously considering D?

Here's my thing, it seems what frustrates you the most is that he doesn't contribute to the household, he doesn't spend quality time with you and that you enable him.

I agree with doodler in not initiating the D and to continue with counseling (although I might suggest you find a pro M IC). You could also try some 180's, like stop enabling him. Don't do his books, cut out monetary support.

I think you need to work on getting over your shyness, if you leave him your still going to be alone, so use this time to really put an effort on stepping out of your comfort zone.