Hey Seattle! Sounds like you've got some issues to handle. Well, I can only offer advice as it suits me and give you as many (((((((((()))))))))))))) as wonder does.
But, I just want to let you know that it sounds like you're hitting that break point. Once again, the BB seems to be all about this right now--making decisions on whether or not to fully let go, release ourselves, etc....
I would have to say it's your choice (you know that) and it's really hard to do. You follow Underdog's thread, right? I think there have been some insightful points made there lately and they kind of opened my eyes a little.
Sounds like your WAS is very depressed. You can't change it. You could throw jabs in to her about pregnant but what good would that do? You did the right thing. She needs to deal w/those things herself. Again, you can't be her crutch any longer. You did good when she threw out her line about being tired. You need to do it some more. Hard, I know. But I have started to release myself from it as well coz I can't keep holding H hand either. He needs to figure out on his own that the kids have certain needs and I'm not gonna keep telling him or buying things for his place so they are "taken care of". See, it's their choice. They want to be done w/us, so don't share your life w/me (comments) coz I can't do anything for you----BECOZ you won't let me. So go have your pity party somewhere else. Sorry if this seems harsh but it's where I am. I would do no harm to my kids but if they are w/him and get sick, it's not my job to be sure that he has the proper medication at his place to care for them. If he has to run out and get something w/3 kids, then so be it. I plan ahead for these things and would be ready if they were home and sick. He needs to plan too. Same for you. She needs to deal w/her sister and OM and pregnancy, etc...not your decision to become disconnected, it was a result of her leaving.
As for the dog...I"m not sure what to say here. I want to tell you to let go but I know how much she (?) means to you. You are right though that possibly some day you will need to stop the visitation but if it makes you feel good now than keep it up.
I guess the big question is: Are you ready to let go of life as you knew it w/WAS and dog and put those thoughts to rest once and for all or do you want to hang onto them bcoz you can't let go due to the pain still? I know I'm not totally there yet like I said before. I'm stronger. So are you. So are a bunch of people here but some of us have this deep-seated urge to continue on and believe that our WAS will return some time. Hope is okay. That's all we have right now but we need to decide sometime.
Your WAS seems like mine in that they are so focused on the negative that they see no positives w/us. Everything about us reminds us of sadness, pain and lost dreams for them. When we see them, we think of unconditional love, how much we're doing for them now, what we could have w/them in the future if they would just turn around, how much we want to change for them and us, etc..... This is why it makes it hard for both of you.
Going dark may help you to move forward even more. I don't have that option but I believe it would help me. You need to grieve more ? and forgive mostly. I think forgiveness is the biggest gift you give yourself.
Seattle, you have endured. You have tried. Now you need to decide whether you are ready or not to let go. Letting go may mean going dark. In the end, she is still in control because you're waiting for her to complete the paperwork--not that that's a problem; but in some ways is she still holding on????????
Take care Seattle. You've been through a lot and you're a good man. ((((((((((())))))))))))) Tootles................
