I called WAW in response to a VM she left me. She threw out the "I'm tired" bait again and all I said was that sucks and I'm sorry, instead of taking the bait and asking why.
We talked a little about details of papers and picking up the dog over the weekend. She said on her VM she didn't want to pick the dog up at my house so I asked is there a reason? She said she gets sad when she comes over. All I said was yeah this whole thing is sad. I'm not going to lecture you but hiding from it won't make it less sad. She agreed and we talked a little more.
She told me she hired OM to work at the salon but for only 2 days a week (real winner). I asked when she was planning to tell me this? She said she didn't know. I said thanks for telling me now.
We said goodbye and I hung up.
She seemed tense and weird. After taking another call, I called back to say that our last conv felt weird. She agree? Her response, everything is weird in her life. I asked how so, her reply was one minute she is totally stressed and a wreck from the business to the next minute telling herself everything will be fine. I jokingly asked if she was in denial and she kind of danced around that. She said it was a rollercoaster and she was tired of it. She used to refer to us as a rollercoaster when I was pursuing her and she couldn't handle it anymore. Maybe she realizes I'm not the cause? Who knows? Maybe not even her.
We talked a little about her sister and her family. Her sister and husband are moving to Seattle and she told me today her sister is pregnant. Her sister is 4 yrs younger and it has always been important for WAW to get pregnant before her. Her sister is also the model child in their family. So maybe a little remorse here about why is her sister seem to have all her life together?
WAW also said she isn't looking forward to having her sister in town anymore. When we were together, she was trying to convince her sister to move here so we could raise our kids together. She said her sister is opinionated and had some choice words for her. WAW admitted she herself is stubborn and they disagreed on lots lately. I asked about what and she didn't elaborate. I joked and said "arguing about barbie dolls again like when you were little?" and she laughed but wouldn't answer directly.
We talked a little about her work schedule, her father, and if he knew about OM working there. She said she talked to him in detail about it. I asked if he knew the whole background and she said some of it. Apparently not as much detail? Half truths again here.
I switched topics to me and talked about what I've been up to. She really wasn't too inquisitive or asked any follow up questions, I get the feeling it is easier for her if she doesn't know. I also get the feeling she doesn't want to feel sad so she avoids trying to see me, come to the house, hear about my activities, or think about me.
A molotov cocktail of denial, conflict avoidance, passive aggressiveness, and stubborness. Why did I marry this person and why do I even want to be with her?
I made my life sound as fun and interesting as it has been, but not bragging. Maybe I should start bragging and talking about me more because I have been having a lot of fun and meeting lots of new friends. I'm very humble by nature and its just been hard for me to traditionally do this.
I get the sense there is some remorse and sadness on her end. Maybe even a little missing what she had. Who knows. Why should I even care?
I asked about the papers first and she wasn't in a real hurry to talk about them. Shes weird and it pisses me off.
I set out a visitation schedule for the dog and asked if she had any alterations for it. She said some and will give her comments to me.
Although I am finally at the place where I've gotten to have some time with our dog per her agreement, I'm really considering telling her after this visit I'm choosing not to see our dog again. If I change my mind, at least I'll have the scheduled opportunity.
Any opinions on this? It would be easier for me to really go dark as I can, but I don't get to see my dog anymore and doesn't allow the opportunity for contact. In a classic case of denial, is it better for occaisonal contact or none at all unless initiated by them?
But I'm trying to face the reality I won't have my dog anymore and that will have to happen sometime anyway. It is also toxic to some extent.
One last thing, I told her I forgot to include on my financial statement an educational account for our children I was going to surprise her with when we had our first child. I didn't want to hide anything from her so I'm telling her now. She was real quiet and after a long pause all she said was everyone is pregnant now.
I ended the call by saying I should probably go. She said see you tomorrow.
I am really trying to detach fully but keep getting sucked in. It would be easier for me to go dark totally and I'm debating this. I'm unsure of why I'm even wasting my time thinking about it. I'm confused.
