Uncharted Waters

[2Times2Many]

Thank you, Job and HaWho for your supportive words. I don't know what I'd do without this forum and the people here who are so kind and understanding.

Job, I did finally hear from my D. She said she found the material I referred her to very helpful and she put things into action right away. She said the sitch has improved greatly and the fighting has stopped. She added that she wasn't letting her guard down, but would take things day by day. She's a smart cookie ... but then I'm a little biased.

HaWho, I have a supply of duct tape on hand and intend to put it to use AND I could get a lot of insight while H is here.

A couple of weeks ago H said he'd read the Art of Happiness, was going to read it a second time and suggested I read it, too. I did and mentioned to H a couple of days ago that I had finished the book.

H got excited and wanted to know what I thought about it. I replied that I got a lot out of it. H said he did too and it had helped him a lot. I didn't want to get into a long discussion about a book on the phone and simply told him we could discuss our impressions about it when he got back. He seemed eager to do that.

So, I've read the book. I know what's in it. H wants to share his thoughts about it. I should be able to get a pretty good gauge on where his head is when I hear how he interprets what he read. Hence ... lots of duct tape and lots of listening.

I'm in a much better place now than I was a few days ago. I always get antsy before H comes back because for so long, I would get hammered or blindsided by something while he was here. I reached a point where I would spend days trying to think of every possible hurtful thing he could say and/or do while he was here so I'd be "prepared." I suppose it became like a PTSD thing with me.

I think I've reached a point that there's not much he could say or do that I haven't already processed and am prepared for, although you never know.

I suppose I've been antsy this time because I sensed a change in the dynamic between us last time he was here. It seemed that I was no longer the enemy and he was starting to open up a tiny bit and I want that to continue and not screw it up if that's the case.

On the other hand, I want to be able to stand strong and maintain my focus if he's reverted back to his aloofness and detachment.

And, of course, there's OW2 and curiosity about where that sitch stands. No worries though. I have no intention of bringing that up.

But, I'm good. I spent some time reminding myself that there are things that are just out of my control and I need to concentrate on the one thing I CAN control and that's me.

My confidence in myself is high and my expectations of him are near zero. I'll be fine.

My best to everyone.

2T