Stages of grief

[Painter]

I've had a great weekend - my son and I went back to the art fair today and took our time looking at everything we didn't have time for yesterday. I bought a cute drawing and some cards.

These last few days I've been cleaning and organizing. I think I'm starting to establish myself here (emotionally) and not feel like I may be going back.

I have also felt several times lately that I enjoy not having a partner. It feels freeing not to have someone disapprove or judge my thoughts and actions, or control me (in H's case through passivity and withholding). I've been walking on eggshells for a really long time, even if I didn't think I did.

Maybe it's time to leave the Newcomer's forum (although it may be okay to read that you can get out on the other side of this)?

[Ginger1]

When I was dating and married to my ex, I never really got to figure out what I enjoyed doing. mainly because we just did what ex liked. We hung out with his friends. Whenever I suggested something new or told him something I would like to experience, and he thought it was "stupid", well, he would tell me just that.

I can honestly say I enjoyed not having a partner for years. even though I was raising a very little one when I took my free time to try new things, reconnect with my friends (and thank the lord, they took me back) and just not being judged for what made me happy.

You sound like you are having a great time. Keep enjoying it. One day comes and you realize the right person will want to share those things with you, when you are ready to share. The right person will ENOCURAGE you, not judge you.

[Painter]

Ginger, H would never tell me I was stupid. He would mock the people I was with or interacted with, but it was more that he wanted to separate me from them, maybe? I realize more and more that he is very driven by jealousy and fear of being abandoned.

The more clarity I get about this, the less hurt and sad I feel. I still have some anger and bitterness, but it's fading, too.

I have explored a very exciting opportunity today... going back to college! Some research and talking to different people at the school helped me set up a track that I think will be very rewarding and not too overwhelming. And professionally worthwhile. And forward-moving.

[Phoebe]

Wow, Painter! That sounds like an incredible shift. There's nothing like a major self-improvement project to get you into a better place. And going back to college!? That's awesome.

You sound like you are progressing by leaps and bounds lately. I kind of feel like I am, too, but mainly it's because I have been over scheduled like crazy lately and have just realize that WH isn't having much impact on me these days. No contact whatsoever for over 2 months, a bit of recent internet intel, but even that was really a ho-hum sort of thing.

Keep on keeping on, ladybird! We're getting there, I think.

[Painter]

Over-scheduled is good. It's what keeps me going and ensures that I focus on myself more and more, and not on H and OW.

[J5K]

I am glad you are doing better Painter.

[Painter]

Thanks, Jim! I hope for better days for you, soon.

A little crack in the armor today. Maybe tired after a lot of walking this weekend. Also, I had to go through some old e-mails today and I was stunned at seeing how H lied to me while he was having the A with OW. Now when I know so much more, it really is shocking. It probably dredged up some anger and grief that I'm reprocessing.

Hope everyone has a good night, I'm off to bed now!

[Phoebe]

Think waves on a pond. Just feel them and let them go on by.

(((((Painter)))))

[Painter]

Well. I had an interesting convo with H today, the first in about 2 weeks. We have texted about practical things but needed to talk to go over a list of things.

I asked him how he was and he said he has been better. Besides some new health problems (I think these are also stress-induced), he is fighting with OW and they had talked about splitting up. It sounds like he wants her to leave. He said he regrets letting her move in so quickly, and he regrets 'parts of' separating.

So it has gone from little Suzy Homewrecker who caters to his every whim, to fights and him getting angry because she was not doing something he expected her to. He wouldn't tell me exactly what it was about, but it sounds like things are going downhill pretty fast and he sounded almost excited about things maybe coming to a head this weekend.

I wish we had one of those popcorn-eating emojis here. I guess it wasn't all my fault, after all.

I couldn't help feeling amused when he told me about it, and he told me I had every right to.

As usual, he didn't ask me how I was, but I shared a little day to day stuff anyway.

[SH_]

That devilish mistress named Karma eh?.

Whoduvthunk, right?

I love that you imagined popcorn while hearing this......