Being there to help v going dark:balance

[sandi2]

Have you read my thread on help for the newcomer LBH who has a WW? You may find some of your questions answered in those threads.

Think about a rebellious teenager. Why do they rebell? What are they directing their rebellion? At times, a WW acts very much like a teenager. Some WW's have a lot of anger, and it can be seen in her attitude, speech, defiance, doing things that would shock her old self's standards for a M woman and a mother.

I wished I had commented more about the anger in my WW threads. I believe that resentment is suppressed anger, and in some cases, it has continued to grow overmany years. Perhaps the WW feels she had no control or no say about things that happened in her M (or back farther). She is angry about it all and her acting out is a way of her giving whoever the middle finger. Usually, the H is the one she blames for her unhappiness. It's all his fault for not meeting her expectations and emotional needs.

For me, it started with an over-bearing MIL. My H would not stand up to her, and she tried to rule our lives till the day she died. It would take a book to tell it all, but seeing the passivity in my H definitely started killing the attraction. Oh, and she took priority over me. His mother was just one thing. Over time, other things would happen and he would not step up and take charge. I felt like the bad guy raising our kids, while he came through smelling like a rose. It was years and years of life and seeing expectations crushed. At times, things would get a little better. M had certainly not brought me happiness, as I thought it would, so when the kids wetre grown, I decided I would try to keep myself busy and focus on the things I enjoyed. Then health problems got me down where I couldn't do my hobbies, etc. I don't want to get off into all of that, but my point is the resentment continued to build.

Can you see how the seeds of resentment and disrespect can grow over years, and the H, apparently, doesn't know she's carrying around this stuff and it's killing the MR. She tries to tell him, but he doesn't really "hear" her...........until she tells him she's done, or he discovers a third party.