Being there to help v going dark:balance

[Surfer]

Sandi. Thank you again. Crystal clarity as per.

In terms of mood. I see this mood change. She usually is most upbeat when heading out with her girlfriends - the ones who have helped her hide her EA and who slander me terribly (in fairness they are only joining in my wife's husband bashing game - only my wife can and should stop this game). My W was also on a high when she met her EA partner - I called her when I presumed she was up to something.

Now reality is in play and she is alone things seem to be up and down for her. When vexed she wants to lash out but I am limiting communication to text or email. When getting her own way - going out with girlfriends etc she is on a high.

Her girlfriends (a certain group that she favours - the wayward ones, the rest are fine) validate my W's wayward behaviour and her generally. This is her payoff. I wondered if they, at present, are like her EA? I certainly seem them as a bad influence and whilst she needs friends these are not good for our relationship. I would prefer not to be in a relationship with my W whilst she continues to have regular contact, holidays etc with the wayward group. With summer coming up she will be using the savings she withdrew to fund time together with friends and kids and I can't do much about that as she has the money in her bank.

What is this enjoyment at lashing out and getting her way? Disrespect and selfishness? This seems common amongst WW's.