I've returned from my hiatus. I apologize for going dark on you all, I really needed some time to get away. I guess it was the closest thing to a vacation I could come up with.
Time away has allowed me to focus on myself and reprioritize. I could give you the play by play over the past month or so, but it would be too long.
The summary is essentially that from where we left off the biggest events was our Anniversary that was in the beginning of May. Consistent with my behavior at the time, I had an outpouring of affection which has was my last. Her response was less than stellar. There were many glimmers of hope, but I will not list them because they are only that.
She ended that encounter with that will be the last R talk she will have with me. After a week or so I let go and told her I would go through the filing process with her.
IMHO, it would have saved me a lot of grief if she wouldn've filed and served me a long time ago. I won't analyze why not.
We went over the papers in the beginning of May and here it is and still no real action. I gave her my paperwork yesterday, I'll see what happens from there.
I'm really trying to let go completely. It is really hard living in the same house with many items that bring back memeories.
I've really been thinking about filing myself because I'm sick of the slow process. I've also been thinking about moving all of her possessions that remain into the garage or storage unit so I don't have to look at them or be reminded of her.
I also want an anullment from our Priest.
I don't want to be immature or act angry or hutful, I'm just trying to shut her out of my heart. Yes, I am trying to shut her out of my heart.
Whether that is the best thing or not, I don't know. I do know that is easier for me and right now that is what I need.
I remain uncertain of the timing of which I should enact any of these things. So far the only thing I could come up with is at the pace that best suits me.
I would like to consider her, and will, but only after myself since no one else will right now.
One final thing. Since I agreed to start this process, our interactions have been fewer but generally with less tension. Maybe I'm imagining it. Maybe not.
Our last face to face was going pretty well. I gave no pursuing vibe, only friendship. She might have felt too close or vulnerable so I got a comment thrown at me about om. I also found out she hired om to work at her business.
She has not told me about the last part. I found out without her knowledge.
She has no intention of ever working on our M, or what is left of it. She shows plenty of signs of ambivelence, but nothing to spur any consideration of reconciliation or even the opportunity for it.
I am trying my best to be happy and move on with my life. Plenty of fun things planned and have been trying to meet new friends and get out more.
Sometimes I feel like the WAS. I try to keep my senses about me and not go there.
