Sotto posted the advice in this thread, scroll up.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
Oh got it! I have to work on getting away from social media. I find myself checking everything constantly, "when was he last on Facebook?" "Did he log in to our business site?" It's like I don't let myself get away from him and I become obsessed. I don't want to be like this, but it feels like an addiction almost.
Me: 37 Husband: 35 Married 5 years, together 13 Daughter - 1 Bomb dropped - 12/28/2015 He's moving out (officially) - 4/15/2016 EA confirmed 6/1/16 PA confirmed 8/1/16
Hi SR, I understand with the social media. For me it became a choice - do I want to live my life that way? Checking online for what some guy (who doesn't want to be with me right now) is doing? Heck no - my life is worth way more than that to me and my time is valuable.
So, I think the key is to have far more better things to do than that. GAL for you - activities for you and little one - nourishing things for you at home....
It is freeing when you can let go of some of the social media stuff and make healthy choices for you. Looking at the social media makes no positive difference to your sitch - but probably makes you feel worse. Instead, why not do something to make you feel better? Have a nice bath, read a self-help book, meditate, some yoga poses, watch an inspirational TED talk, practice gratitude, email and old friend, tell someone how much you appreciate them.
In time, when we can do this, we accept that there is still a good life to live - whether or not our spouse chooses to try and re-join it. And we are stronger and more centred for having got ourselves to a good place from where we started.
It does take time and baby steps - but you can do this! Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Me: 37 Husband: 35 Married 5 years, together 13 Daughter - 1 Bomb dropped - 12/28/2015 He's moving out (officially) - 4/15/2016 EA confirmed 6/1/16 PA confirmed 8/1/16
So he said that is biggest fear is that we're not compatible anymore. Is that something you can fix? Were scheduled to go to a marriage counselor on Friday. Just trying to explore different paths
Me: 37 Husband: 35 Married 5 years, together 13 Daughter - 1 Bomb dropped - 12/28/2015 He's moving out (officially) - 4/15/2016 EA confirmed 6/1/16 PA confirmed 8/1/16
Another question - tomorrow is our first session with a marriage counselor. Do I act detached or do I speak the truth and say I miss him?!
Me: 37 Husband: 35 Married 5 years, together 13 Daughter - 1 Bomb dropped - 12/28/2015 He's moving out (officially) - 4/15/2016 EA confirmed 6/1/16 PA confirmed 8/1/16
Never mind. Counseling was actually great, I was feeling optimistic. Just looking at some pictures on Facebook from tonight and he's in the background with her hugging him. I feel sick. My heart hurts. I feel out of control. I don't know what to do
Me: 37 Husband: 35 Married 5 years, together 13 Daughter - 1 Bomb dropped - 12/28/2015 He's moving out (officially) - 4/15/2016 EA confirmed 6/1/16 PA confirmed 8/1/16
Hey SR I haven't caught your whole thread yet but I'm seeing this last post. I know how brutal the Facebook thing is. You need to stop it cold turkey though. Sottos advice is spot on.
It is an addiction. It's easy to get sucked in. I discovered my WWs EA bc I had access to her account and found a months worth of extremely explicit messages bt the two of them before my W asked for our S.
There was about a 1.5 week lag between when I found those messages and when I confronted her. But every hour of every day during that 1.5 wks I found myself pulled to log in and see what was going on, even though it would be adding to my pain. I did log in one more time during that period and all it did was add to my pain. After that I decided to stop cold turkey. Wasn't easy, and my mind raced in all sorts of directions about what they were planning/saying to each other, but oh my god was it for the best.
I could see the dark hole I was going to end up in, similar to what you're probably seeing now, and I had to let go of needing to know all of it.
Stop checking his Facebook stuff. Unfriended him if needed. It's not worth it. There's nothing but pain to be found there. You need to balance yourself and the speculation that comes from seeing stuff like that will only crush you.
Stay strong and avoid the pain that you have control over. You need to have energy in reserve to buffer yourself for the pain from the stuff you can't control. You'll be good, but get off the Facebook and get some sleep. Tomorrow is a new day!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
I'm not even looking at anything of his. He's in the background of a friends picture. But yes I know I need to get off social media. We're supposed to go back to this counselor on Thursday to start working on things. How can I do that after I see him and her together?? I feel so lost and so sad.
Me: 37 Husband: 35 Married 5 years, together 13 Daughter - 1 Bomb dropped - 12/28/2015 He's moving out (officially) - 4/15/2016 EA confirmed 6/1/16 PA confirmed 8/1/16
I decided to keep the session we have scheduled for this Thursday. It was supposed to be the day we either decide to start working on things or we don't. I don't know how to approach the session if he is there but if he isn't, at least I'll know right?
Me: 37 Husband: 35 Married 5 years, together 13 Daughter - 1 Bomb dropped - 12/28/2015 He's moving out (officially) - 4/15/2016 EA confirmed 6/1/16 PA confirmed 8/1/16
