Hi DBers - Well I've been off line for a bit and thought I'd give an update. Some good things have happened, some 'bad' things have happened and I'm hanging in there. Long story short - The day my H came to get his stuff, well, suffice it to say, one of the worst days of my life, coming back to the empty walls etc. A lot of crying and sobbing that weekend. Thankfully I had arranged to have a friend 'on call' to listen to me cry and be supportive. Also, the woman I mentioned who works at the Bridge to Recovery was a god send and an angel that whole weekend and talked me into going to visit a friend - as I've been isolating myself and not wanting to talk about all this with anyone who lives in our town. That was helpful to some extent. He did text me the night before he came to get his stuff and said that once he got settled he wanted to get together w me and our dog. This is a step in the right direction, as first time he has reached out and mentioned wanting to get together. My H actually texted me the night of the day he moved his stuff out and asked how I was doing...bloody briliant! Just faB!. Having some compassion, I called him a couple nights later and left a voice mail asking how he was doing. He sent me a lovely text the following morning, and thanked me for a gift I'd given him. As I mentioned in a previous post, I am taking an online marriage program w Mort Fertel. I don't do everything he suggests at the moment as some of it I know would make things worse. I called and left a vm a couple times this week with a memory of a trip we took last year this time, and sent a photo of our dog. He responded with an email with a photo of the sunset view from his new place. While this made me feel like we're moving in the right direction - at least he is RESPONDING to me, I was also very sad that I'm not there with him... Last week I started doing Codependents anonymous daily call meetings and that has been super helpful. Also actually had FUN yesterday for the first time in 3 months, went to the river with a friend of mine and actually laughed! I will be seeing my H briefly tomorrow as I'm bringing something to him that he has asked for - he lives about 25 miles in the opposite direction of our house, and I see this as an opportunity to actually start a new VIBE going ... he signed his email with 'hugs' today. Trying really hard not to read anything into anything and not mind read. I still don't even know if he moved in with someone or what...and frankly, right now, I don't want to know...there has been enough trauma over the past few weeks, I just need a trauma - free week! I am doing my phone intake tomorrow for the Bridge treatment center. we shall see. Would love to go, just have to find the money to do it. Oh, and to top it all off, both my coworker and myself were both fired from my part time job last week, so now have no job at all and must get money thing together. Had a bit of a melt down today after the CODA phone meeting, watched Downton Abbey to calm down, then said - enough is enough, I need to feel my power - and just came back from riding my dirt bike! So fun...that IS the answer to everything really. I am keeping MWD's words in mind and celebrating the small steps - at least we are in contact and I am feeling better. Thank you all...and one more thing - fyi - I am committed to trying for at least a year to turn this ship around, so I would appreciate no further advice about signing the D papers etc. I am not doing that. Oh, there is also a Retrouvaille weekend coming up in September near our town. I've been in contact with the couple who runs it. This is now my short term goal, as it would be amazing in terms of healing, no matter the outcome. Has anyone of you done it? THANKS
