My wife walked out 3

[RSG]

Today was S first official day at his new preschool. I did dropoff, and he was a little scared. However, he pulled out a puzzle, his teacher started asking where each letter went, and I ran out ASAP as he settled down and acclimated.

WW is/was terrified. He had a good day, but was a bit too excited about the new toys and knocked a whole bunch of stuff off of a shelf. This is normal behavior for him in a new place, but WW freaks out about anything other than perfection. We've always been helicopter parents, but I'm able to step back and let him do his own thing for the most part. She's a worrier too.

Then she called me about 20 minutes later to ask how he did. Somehow, a row began. We traded barbs. I said it was tough working out the logistics, taking him to this house, that house, who picks him up, who sees him, etc. She said my not taking him to school is part of the reason we're in this. We argue. She starts going on a litany of reasons why it's my fault we're separated. I can't get a word in edge wise, refuses to pause and treats me like a 3yr old sitting in a little chair getting lectured. This is one thing she did while she was at her ugliest. Finally I can't take it, I blurt over her and don't stop. You left us every weekday 5-8 choosing trash over S&I. Refusing to see S over and over but now you want to play family. Every weekend you lied about going to the outlets so you could be with trash, stayed out till 4AM getting wasted and hungover all weekend. She tried to respond, I hung up on her 3-4 times. She texted about 8 times, and I couldn't answer because I was on the interstate driving to work.

Finally I let her through, and we talk for about 15 minutes. She's crying, asks for something about S. She says she's doing the best she can, going to therapy ASAP, stopped drinking, finally doing things she likes again.

We talk a little when I get to my desk, and says we had a great time at the park when it was us 3. I said, not really. You felt so cold and distant to me, but S had fun being with his M/D so it was good. She liked our pool time together before the little blowup, that she's trying to rekindle a relationship with me. She has to go....

She complained about her day today, and I think I did a really good job validating. "I know that frustrates you" "I understand what you mean" "That must be difficult for you"
I felt good, because I was going to offer advice but remembered the 5 LL story. We talk about S during the day, because she's terrified he won't do well and we'll need to find ANOTHER school. I try to validate her concerns, and tell her that once he gets in a routine he should do well. She agrees.....

She has gotten off work early, picked him up and brought him home. We talk for a minute about S, she has work texts and is about to go. She says, maybe we should just wait until we're both in therapy to address this but that she still wants her own apt. I don't think the apt is a big deal. If we were to start healing, it would be in a few months at best and she has to leave her rented room in about 6 weeks. I tell her after she leaves that, if we were to have any kind of R talk again, the best bet is to wait until S school situation looks good because we're likely to get too emotional again.

She's softened towards me, though her bad habits showed when angry just like mine have. I was struck by the "trying to rekindle a relationship" comment (I know it's a ground up thing, not a marriage thing). She is getting "herself" back slowly from my POV and is pretty adamant about getting therapy. All this impresses me. But to put all my eggs in this basket? Nah. We need to work together for S, otherwise I need to keep working on me. I've had false expectations before that cause me to fall off a cliff and let my emotions explode.