First post here...just starting to GAL and 180.

[RDS]

Thx. I have read all the threads you posted, some a few times, and I'm well into DR. I have asked questions in my short posts since I had questions on nuances. I believe in the strategies and the GAL in particular. I've been busy with my sewing, gardening, my horse, out with friends, quad riding, artwork, kayaking as well as time with my kids. It's so hard just to pull back and not share my thoughts and body with WH.
Just felt really alone past two days, busy and lonely.

Col, I know the weekends are the worst for me. It seems most of my GAL is during the week and during the weekend the house seems so lonely, and as Cadet says, the weekend does slow down considerably around here. I've wanted to give you advice but your sitch is different than mine as my W walked out on me so I have very little contact with her, so I wasn't sure what pointers I could give you. I'm supposed to have lunch with her tomorrow and if if it doesn't fall through then it will be the first time in over two months.

I don't know which is worse, having your spouse in the same house or being away. In my case I think her being away is a good thing for me. Even though it hurts a lot it does force me to be "me" and to get better on my own. It also forced me to see how bad I had become and as long as I was still living with my W I was never going to change.

Keep posting, look at other posters' threads, respond to them, and people will try to help. I'm very guilty of not posting on others threads. I read every one and I try to gather as much information in those threads as I can.

Take care.

[lfm]

I think having your WW spouse in the same house is worse. It makes it much more difficult to detach, particularly if kids are involved.

In my case my spouse is there pretty much all the time, and it's difficult to get true separation. I think most of us would agree that it's easier if you are physically separated in terms of detachment.

The other thing I've found is that any time I slip into a prior behavior that caused issues in the marriage, it sets everything back to square one again. The 180s and GAL activities help, but it's a struggle sometimes to be consistent.

Definitely agree with keep posting, read the other threads, there are outstanding pieces of advice and situations that will relate to yours.

Best of luck in your journey through this, we're all going through a lot of the same experiences and our thoughts are with you as well!

[Buxom]

EDF, thanks for stopping by and for the responses to my questions. I u understand more now. I'm usually the type of thinker that I try and see all sides and then not know the best path so thanks!

[Buxom]

Thanks cadet. I Understand a bit better no from your pov. I guess I thot weekends would be busier with many of us being left behind.
Guess I'm also still in denial of how long this could still take. I've been thru four years with little support and doing so many mistakes that I'm tired.

[Buxom]

Today is my D birthday and she's 16. Out for supper with WH and the kids. I kept it light, we laughed a lot and I looked get with my best perfume. We met there so we drove home separately. Tonight he was smiling at me, good eye contact, offered info about his day. Made some teenage boy remarks which I ignored. I did well today. I seem to have better days when I can talk to a friend and verbally process.
Col
Me 53
H 48
MLC and pa two years two years ago
WH alcoholic and dry for 14 months
S 18
D 16
M 22 years
Together 24
D threatened by WH in June, nothing since
He left mbr 06/25

[Buxom]

Small vent... last evening he was very complimentary of my cake made for D16 birthday. He waited for me to finish a convoy with her at bedtime and then gave me two kisses and a hug good night before beating a hasty retreat to his bedroom. Today I have received three more kisses, good morning, hello after work and good bye just now before AA. I'm not complaining, and not expecting anything, really. It was a surprise to see him at supper cos he usually "works late" on AA days and goes to meetings with alcoholic OW.

Does anyone else see differences in the WH or ww via the eyes? Mine seems to have either angry look, scared look, or no eye contact or the relaxed twinkle of my real H. Today was the scared look, the one I associate with his cheating. Unnerving to see that look when he again compliments me on my wonderful cake. I'm trying to break the association.

Question.... where can I read about touch and go behaviour? Not sure I fully get it. Thanks!!!

[Cadet]

Question.... where can I read about touch and go behaviour? Not sure I fully get it. Thanks!!!

Try this thread for starters

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2485011

[Buxom]

Thanks Cadet!!

[Buxom]

I had just read this today. Good stuff, just wondering if there is more??

[Buxom]

Insights please. Good evening with WH, two in a row! No false hopes or expectations.

At bedtime he came to my room rummaged thru his clothes and asked me if he should assume that he was needing to do his own laundry. He added so he knew what to mix with what. He sounded sad. It Caught me off guard but I calmly faced him with solid eye contact and said that when he moved out of the mbr he started to do only his laundry and I thought that I would leave it up to his choice. He said ok and left. I stopped short and did not say I was happy to do it. Thoughts?

He's now not coming in to say good night as usual. Childish.