Some days are better than others

[EDF]

So, catching up a bit.

WW was really hung up on breaking contact in person. Claimed she needed it for closure. She volunteered that she was trying to meet him Saturday night "to break contact" whereas she could've lied about that. She claimed that if he wasn't able to meet in person, that she would do it via email, and surprised me with a draft of a NC email... the email did seem written by her and not just a copy-paste job, and reasonably worded.

This left me in a pickle. I wasn't about to put a stamp of approval on her breaking contact in person, but I can't force her actions so I didn't try to tell her she couldn't see him again. I didn't give her an ultimatum. I did say that even if she met him in person, if she really chose to go NC at some point that would mean sending an email we write together and that her ongoing actions would have to show commitment to that, and she would have a lot of work to do to regain my trust and win me back.

That night was pretty weird. Both of us were all over the place emotionally. I did my best to try and keep mine internal, but I'm sure I did more talking than I needed to. After OM saying he might be available, he ended up not getting back to her. I know (snooped) that afterwards she sent him an email saying things like "Tonight was likely the last time you'll ever see me", a mixed message of "I really wish things could have been different, but really knew it was never going to be", and ended with "I'm giving this marriage one more try. Take care of yourself".

Next day I stayed aloof, went and did my own thing, didn't respond to her texts except for one with a direct question about groceries. In the evening she asked me to look at her NC email and tell her if it needed any changes "so we could send it tonight and move on". I made a couple suggestions which she added to the email before I saw her send it.

...

My gut tells me she is not fog-free. Her actions so far have kinda been communicating that she is in an improved place than she was on BD (she's doing a lot of things right in her interactions with me), however she's still essentially trying to set her own expectations for what rebuilding would mean, as opposed to coming from an angle of complete humility and "doing whatever it takes". I am doing better at standing my ground on things, and calling her on it if she makes ridiculous statements. When I do stand firm on things, she seems to push less and backtrack much faster than she used to. She still made some comments about feeling it was unfair that she had "all the consequences" when I had been emotionally unavailable for so long, and trying to make me feel guilty about not trusting her, but those tactics are not catching me off-guard anymore. I calmly point out that I already suffered a lot of consequences, and that I don't trust her about OM because she spent months deceiving and lying to me, and she drops those points quickly.

I don't view this truly as "piecing". I don't really trust her NC at this point, but it's not like I'm going to tell her "no, don't break contact with him". Just going to continue to watch her actions.

She seems earnest in wanting to stay with me, but I'm confident she still has some degree of feelings for OM, even though she says "just friends". I'm not sure if she intends to truly commit to NC, or if she's going to just try and be better at hiding it.

I really want to send an email to OM, basically saying "My wife has asked for no contact. If you contact my wife, I will send your fiance copies of your emails."

Is that still a bad idea? My thought is, if WW is truthful about wanting NC or at least giving NC a test-drive, that might help lock it in from the other end as well. If WW is lying, it might still scare OM off. If she's really lying, it could of course backfire and push them closer together. If OM complains to WW, even if she was honest about wanting NC, it might piss her off to learn I have copies of the emails.