First post here...just starting to GAL and 180.

[EDF]

Hi Col,
Sorry you didn't get the responses you were hoping for this weekend - the thread replies can kind of wax and wane, but keep at it and over time it can be a valuable source of info/feedback for you.

I can also strongly second Cadet's recommendation on reading the "homework" from his first post. I've read the threads there multiple times, and as I continue to learn more about the process it sinks in more and more. Those threads have the distilled knowledge from many people going through situations like ours and asking the same sorts of questions we ask.

isn't it only logical to initiate repairs in the bedroom?

Sex can be a strong way to bond, absolutely, but now isn't the time for that. That is more for when your H reaches a point of remorse and showing through actions that he wants to rebuild things. Right now, when your H is actively rebellious and wayward, giving sex would count as pursuing/chasing and so against the "37 rules" from the homework. Even if your husband accepts, and he may even graciously accept and seem super thankful, that would not be helping your situation. You giving him sex would just enable his wayward behavior. How awesome, he would think, that I can freely sext and hang out with other women as much as I want, and still have my wife meet any remaining unfulfilled needs at home? That is cake eating. If he's able to get that, what incentive does he have to change?

My WW, a couple months ago, actually openly stated that she wished I hadn't discovered her EA, because she thought it had improved our relationship; she thought I should just be ok with the EA continuing and we could return to that earlier "good" situation where we were having sex regularly regardless. From her fog-buried point of view, her sharing naughty emails/pictures with another guy, while continuing to get attention and sex from her H at home, was the ideal situation!

Obviously that wasn't what I'm looking for, so I have been working hard at the DB principles, including not pursuing. I'm not perfect at it. It doesn't fix things immediately. It's not quick fix to stop your H from getting his kicks elsewhere, but unfortunately you giving him sex won't do that either.