Have to keep making the changes

[ATPeace]

Being a dad of four is hard work and all of what is going on has shown me that over the years I have not done enough to be a supportive husband with regard to helping around the house and with the children I am starting to really aprichiate how hard it is

When my wife was feeling such resentment years ago Why did my W not just say to me then right for a week you have to do everything and her not lift a finger to help perhaps that would have shown me just how hard things were for her and I would have been forced to take note sooner and perhaps we would not have got to this point who knows.....

I have a busy days work today I am going to the personal trainer five days a week at the moment tho I am not seeing a massive shift in my shape or my weight so I still must be eating too much

Tomorrow I have a GA L planned a local meet up group drinks then watch a movie so will see how that feels

Last time I tried going out went to a bar and it was heaving I was one own got a drink stood around looking and feeling so lonely and isolated (will not be doing this again on my own) ended up looking at my phone several times as tho I was waiting for someone and then left feeling by low

I feel so alone at times yet I fight with the urge to move into sepeerate houses through the fear of not seeing my children every day I still feel that this right now is where I want to be.

W tells me that she will not change her mind and that she has been rock solid at keeping to this plan since bomb date 1 year ago perhaps if I go out and meet other people eventually I will fall for someone else and that will be the deciding factor to me going to sepeerate houses, tho the though of doing this really scares me

So I still talk a lot about the same I still cry a lot and I move very very slowly forwards but have a very very long way to go

I am still in denial I am not the man that I was thorough fear I struggle to be the alpha male I would struggle to stand up to my W

How do I get her to loose the resentment from years of being unhappy with whatever I have done or not done to make,her feel unhappy how I loaded the dishwasher how I did not empty it or I did not put a load of washing on or if I did I did not move it to the dryer or fold it she is always looking for new things to find faults with I guess this is just how it is

There I go venting again

Sometimes it helps to talk

Hugs

Ghost