Hello Mr. S.... Very good that she agreed to go out w/you. That seems like a positive step. On the flip side, I know that when we get a little from them, sometimes we tend to take too much. As in your case, it may have been better off if you had not brought up the dog case coz it seems like it would have eventually turned into an R discussion (which it did). We yearn to get inside their minds and at each "open" moment we tend to push a little. I'm just as guilty but that is partly what they fear. It took a lot of control from me when my H finally agreed to go out w/me in Feb. not to bring up R BUT, I didn't, he did. So, it was successful for me coz it was edging on his mind, thus having him be the pursuer at that time. With me not pushing it, it made it easier for him to bring up and ended on a good note coz he wasn't stressed out coz they were things he wanted to know.
Sometimes, I don't bring it up at all-a lot of times. I am trying to make it as peaceful in that area as possible and even though I want to call, write or talk to him about it, I know that I can't. For 2 reasons...one, it becomes "old hat" if you will and he would dread seeing me each time coz "another" discussion is going to come up; second, it gives them things to think about that may not be as "good" as I had hoped. For example, if I tell my H that I don't want to spend any more "lost" time and do something that I would end up regretting- he may take it as "he" doesn't want to waste any more time waiting for that lightning bolt to strike him and think he "needs" to get out of this R. But what I was really saying was that I didn't want us to go round and round and finally get back together and realize all the time we were apart and how we can't get that back.
See how they can misconstrue our conversations and words? It sometimes gives them more fire-power so you need to be careful there.
Now, about the dog--I understand the importance to you but this seems to be a cheeseless tunnel for you. You push and she pulls. I think your convo went okay except instead of bashing her for the lack of time you've had w/dog, you could have approached it w/I really appreciate the few times I've been able to have w/her over the last 6 months and I wish I could spend more time w/her on a regular basis. Besides, I could have helped you out since I know her routine and schedule moreso than whoever else she will be with. It could have been beneficial for both of us. Just some ideas there....
I think I can agree w/you about males having a harder time w/DRing. I find it interesting about your comment on males being soft-hearted and covering up inferiorities. I've come to realize that w/my H. I was doing some reflection and the piece on sarcasm hit me from Betsey's thread that I could see that being the case for my H. I'm trying to break that beast a bit and get to the core. Hope it will come up in MC over the next few sessions. Thanks for that.
I know you're at a tough point now. I hope that things can turn around a little bit. Maybe your notes will give her a sign she never expected. I would just tell you not to call her about them when she gets back or whatever. Give it some time and monitor like you mentioned. If you don't get anything in response after 2 wks, you might ask her to lunch or dinner again and see if she is ready to talk about them but if not, don't push. Tootles................
