Yes, my finger is feeling better. I can now type, hooray, hooray!! I saw the doctor for a checkup and he told me the nurses thought I was cute. They were asking if I was single, they wanted to set me up with some friends. That really helped boost the ole PMA!! You should see these nurses, 6ft blonde model types, as well as most of his patients. Oooh lala! Doctor specializes in plastic surgery and hand surgery.
Eddy, thank you for your kind words, you always have a way of pointing out why I’m here and what I’m doing this all for. Be a better Me and be good to her and everyone around me. As with your W, mine continues to reach deep throughout our history for “reasons” of why she does what she does, like yours with the unconditional love reason. The FACT is, all of the reasons she has given me are no longer valid, as I know yours is as well. They are no longer reasons to me, they are EXCUSES that are a moving target. No matter what I try to do to address them, she finds another one. It is like swimming in the ocean trying to catch a fish with your bare hands. I have been trying to save this marriage for the both of us, deep in my heart I know she really has doubts and is scared to try again. I don’t think you screwed up at all, “going dark” should rarely be used, only as LRT IMHO. Time does help to heal, but in my case, time has also helped to drive us apart into “different worlds” as she put it. Not damage my future with her? I really might have screwed this one up royally last night, but maybe not, it remains to be seen. I will focus on myself and not dwell on what I can’t control and be the happiest person I can be. I did catch her asking me a few details about my life and watching me during our time together last night. Hmmm.
Renew, yes lately I have not done much for me at all. Just focusing all my energy on her and how I can accommodate her wants and needs. This has been SO DIFFICULT since she does not communicate with me. I have decided this is impossible. I can’t be proactive because I can’t guess what she is thinking, I can only be reactive to when she reaches out. Your statements
“ This is only semantics I'm picking at here, but I would only change "giving what you're comfortable with" to "giving what you can." Just as DBing is not about straining ourselves beyond our capabilities, beyond our well being, it can also be more than doing what we're comfortable with. To me at least, it is important to my personal growth to push my comfort levels now and then, so I don't grow compalcent, so I don't slip back into my old behavior.” I REALLY appreciate, and I mean it. I like to be challenged in my thinking that way I gain fresh perspective and it allows me to reflect on if I’m making the right choices for me.
I had adopted your suggestion since the beginning. I have pushed myself way beyond my comfort zone only to be stonewalled again and again and again and again. I may consider this again in the future, after all I try to bring a fresh perspective every day, but also acknowledging where we are today. Right now, it will be in my comfort zone. For the time being, that is all I can do.
Karen, thanks for the hugs and stopping by! I like all of your insights, they are very helpful. As we were all discussing late last night with the DR crowd, men only appear to be tough with pride, we are actually very frail and have soft hearts. We are propped up with superiority complexes covering inferiority complexes. As I observed, the louder and more obnoxious the man, the smaller the penis (reality or metaphorically for sense of self worth).
Betsey, you are awesome too!
Wonder, thank you for the hugs. I really like your persepctives, they are so helpful! I hope my posts are insightful into the way she is thinking and not just what I think she is thinking, if that makes sense. I just don’t know since she won’t even give us the time to communicate. Another thing that came up with the DR crowd is that I really think it is tough for us men that are committed to DR. Not that it isn’t tough for women too, but our needs are so much more primal and easier to understand? Please don’t punch me for this ladies. Perhaps you are right, she does need space. She will be leaving out of town for one week so no worries there.
