Seattle, good to see you can type again. And I'm glad to see you appear to be focusing on taking care of yourself. Whatever happens, we need to take care of ourselves, we need to respect ourselves, we need to love ourselves in order to do the same for our S.
Quote: Could it be she felt she was getting too close and was vulnerable again? Maybe so.
Yes, this seems to be the pattern with almost every WAS.
Quote: I deserve to be treated better than this.
Yes you do. You have behaved with kindness and patience and love and respect without expecting it in return, and that is the best we can do. And I think you realize now that you deserve these things too, and you do.
Quote: I’m not giving up, I will continue to be her friend, be emotionally available, but not to the same extent as before. I will place myself first, my happiness first, my needs first. I will give to her only what I’m comfortable giving which isn’t much right now.
I'm glad you're not giving up. I think there's still time before the fat lady acutally utters any music. This is only semantics I'm picking at here, but I would only change "giving what you're comfortable with" to "giving what you can." Just as DBing is not about straining ourselves beyond our capabilities, beyond our well being, it can also be more than doing what we're comfortable with. To me at least, it is important to my personal growth to push my comfort levels now and then, so I don't grow compalcent, so I don't slip back into my old behavior.
Quote: I will be happy being me
Promise yourself this.
Best,
Renew
...otherwise known as Chandler in RWB rockstar spandex
