First Buds

[mustardseed]

Just read up on negging. That's crazy. I am pretty certain that one of my new friends who is actually closest in age with me uses this technique. He thinks he's funny but he is mean. Not just to me. It's snark--but too personal. I find it unattractive, but also kind of entertaining. He isn't subtle. The older ones tend to use the "dating is hopeless at our age so we should get together" that's is the least appealing approach to me. Honestly, I have my kids and marriage didn't treat me so well the first time around when I thought I had a prince. Why would I ever settle because it's all that's available. I'd rather be alone.

But the showering me with attention and then not showing up. Then apologizing for it with a reasonable but not fully acceptable excuse--that draws me in. I don't understand why. It keeps me thinking about the person, trying to figure out what happened. Wanting to believe the excuse was valid rather than accepting that I wasn't important enough. So to prove it I put myself right back in that same position. I guess it is my own ego needing to be fed. I will never fall for someone like that again, but the fact that it draws me in is something I feel I need to explore. It's consistent with my r with h. Wanting to believe the illusion so I ignore the actions that contradict it and I believe the excuses require me to give the person a pass. . so i am learning that it is ok for me to both give someone the benefit of the doubt while still holding my ground that their behavior is unacceptable. They might be telling the truth, but that doesn't mean I need to excuse the behavior. Self-care comes first.