I did see DBag's name. I think she's playing the semantics game really. The other day, she brought me her emissions form and said the guy was hitting on her. "You don't want me, I'm a mess in my emotions" as if she's Miss Single Woman. I may show jealousy, but it's more that it is something connected with my S than anything (first his iPad, then his school artwork, then his preschool). Her parents took him to a trailer park before w/o my knowledge and it pissed me off. My S should be a million miles from trash!!
I didn't apologize on the phone because I wanted to calm down and collect my thoughts. I didn't expect a response, but from her POV it probably looked that way. You're right, I should've just let it go and not texted anything.
I do have an anger issue, I know. I'm trying to find an IC, but it's difficult. I don't know when I have S, I work 8-4 M-F and can't meet anyone in the middle of the day. But I know I need someone. I'm glad WW's insecure about the idea of me dating. It's strange, I'm more confident in who I am and what I look like than ever before. My eyes wander more now than they have in 5 years. And, dammit, I'm a catch!
With regards to trust, I wrote that poorly. It's a goal in therapy to talk about, not something I want now. I know that's her job, to EARN my trust. Forgiveness is the big thing for me. I talked to the one IC for a minute on the phone, and got a lump in my throat just talking about trying to forgive her. I told WW I'd be willing to forgive in the beginning, but I've learned I had no idea what I was talking about. I've scabbed up about her leaving, lying, being a poor Mom, choosing DBag over playing with S, etc. I'm still bleeding about the A itself.
Again, thanks Sandi. You're a huge help.
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
