I'm starting to understand that what is keeping me from dropping the rope is fear. As the vets always say here: actions speak louder than words, and I think that it is what is preventing me from dropping it. After 3 years if not 4 years with OW, H hasn't introduced her to kids and still hasn't filed. I think this is what is keeping me in limbo as I'm trying to mind read H's actions. My mind is thinking if he hasn't introduced her to our children and not file is that OW isn't that important to him. One of my friend suggested that she might have high expectation, but H not so much! I can understand him not filing because it's expensive, doesn't want to look like the bad guy but also he can say to OW that he can't commit to her because he is still married! Regarding the introduction to kids, I guess he doesn't want to be seen as the bady by our kids. So why I'm still holding on to the rope: because I'm scared to be on my own and be single for the rest of my life, so by over analysing H's actions it gives me hope. I have to be honest with myself and admit that since H's gone. I have been out a lot, I don't need to do the housework by a certain day and there are few more others things that I'd not have done if I still were with H! I can deal with him not loving me anymore but my huge trouble is dealing with rejection. I have centred all my life around H and to what purpose: him cheating on me and forcing me to make a decision for him to stay with wife or OW. I clearly lost on this one! I'm not ready to date as I need to deal with that fear of being alone! DB is not about saving your M but about finding ourselves again.
