Quote: she said thats me when asked if she is my family member. she helped dress me. she bought groceries for me and helped me get my pain pills. we chit chatted in the car and it was nice. she continues to share details and talks about family.
So she feels that you two are family? I think that's a very positive step on her part to say so. She definitely cares about you, she wouldn't have helped you with any of these things if she didn't.
I guess the question is where do you take things from here? You may be right that going dark doesn't seem to work. On the other hand, coming out of the dark by going into the hospital may have been the ineffective part. I'm only speculating about this though. I think its very obvious she still has feelings for you, but what plan on your part is going to coach her so that those feelings move away from sadness, move towards safety and comfort and joy? The things you've been doing to be her friend did seem to be working.
Also--I know you're a bit restrained typing right now--but what stage are the papers in? I've forgotten if they already prepared and awaiting your signature--or are things still at a draft level? My sitch hasn't come to this point, but I'm sure there are others here on the board who've been at this stage, who could offer some advice on how to proceed. I remember reading about some DB'ers who let their S proceed with D, as if they only want to make their S happy, and would do anything towards that end. I think there are also stories on the board about folks who have resisted or slowed down the D process in different ways. I can't remember what's worked and what hasn't, but I'm sure the particulars of the sitch make a difference too. You could do a search for some these threads, or maybe someone reading this remembers some of them.
I hope you feel better soon, I hope your finger feels better too.
