I was just getting ready to head of out the office for the day when I stumbled upon this article... I'm posting here, and I'll probably reflect a little later. If I don't hear from you, have a nice weekend, everyone.
"Just because divorce is caused by unhappiness, that doesn’t mean that divorce should be an unhappy event.” --- Let us frame the suffering of divorce into the Four Noble Truths of Divorce: - 1. Marriage is a type of suffering. Many of us enter in marriages totally ignorant of what a marriage is. Our expectations for what marriage life would be like were wrong. Our motivations for getting married were wrong or, at least, naive. Our images and fantasies of who our mates were eventually fade and we are left with the reality that marriage requires acceptance, energy and mindfulness.
2. There is a cause for divorce. One day one of you realizes that you are unhappy, and that happiness was the reason for getting married. Smart couples realize that they had false expectations and fantasies, and that their happiness could not be found in ignorance.
3. There is happiness in divorce. While many people see divorce as betrayal, hurtful, demoralizing, etc.; the truth is that divorce offers opportunity. The first opportunity is to re-evaluate. Are you staying married to someone that wants a divorce because you are afraid, angry, delusional, or jealous? Did you fall into the trap of thinking that everything would remain the same forever and never change? Did you have a false definition and set of expectations for our spouse? Did you have a false reality created for yourself?
4. How Divorce ends in happiness. Divorce is traumatic because it is such a big change, but change is a part of life. Accepting and embracing change reorients us to see that all things are impermanent. Seeing the impermanence in all things gives some salve to divorce and acceptance that the spouse that left us was not the spouse we married. Neither one has betrayed any trust, because they are two different people. We are also free to see the true causes of suffering and the end of suffering (through the Middle Path of developing wisdom, compassion, giving, mindfulness and skillfulness).
--- We cannot be perfect every moment of every day. Especially during the challenges of divorce, but we can start orienting ourselves to see the benefits of accepting life as it comes and dealing with it positively.
