Chapter 3. Let the detachment begin

[SH_]

Hi bigy, I am. Hiking in here, not to pile on, but to provide support and to continue on the message that I have been conversing with you about for some time.

Looks like an attempt at point scoring. The above just comes across as the actions of a bitter man. Not the actions of loving father. Which I have no doubt your are, or why would you be here.

Sometimes our ego tells us it is the right thing to do, but really it's just our ego blowing off steam.

JB is spot on here. It does sound like point scoring. Think about that. The tone of your posts and even the title of your threads sound as if a score or game is being played. I have shared the message many times in this community that we are what we think and the words that many share here are the words of the thoughts that play in our mind constantly.

You have been counseled by several DBers to be cautious with the "keeping score" approach. I want to challenge you to dig deep and purge this thought pattern from your mind. Your actions and words will then better adjust course for being what you really desire them to be.

Overcoming the ego, will be the biggest part of this challenge. Also IMHO overcoming the ego makes detaching an easier action to make. And we know that this is an action that you are trying to accomplish.

Kids are in the middle of this by shear misfortune. No need to put them there and highlight it if you don't have to.

Children do appreciate truth and reality, at the appropriate times and for the biggies.

Save your truth telling for the stuff that really matters.

And sometimes reality su*ks already no reason to belabour the point.

I'm glad your son is no worse for wear.

Hope things in your situation improve, this is hard stuff.

I wish you and your family only good things.

Jellyb

JB hits it on the head again here. We do not need to share every detail of things with our children. And more importantly we do not ever want to express to our children that their mother is the cause of any issues or pain for their or our own lives. We all know that it is not cool to speak poorly of others mothers, and IMHO it is even less cool that anyone, including ourselves speak poorly of our children's mother.

Keep this in mind and you will converse with your children in a manner the highlights and praises their mother. I would even go so far to admonish our own children not to speak poorly of their mother. Children will figure out things and tend to take sides. Your posts indicate that yours have taken your side so to speak. But, you will always be looked at as a better, person, man and father if you speak well of their mother. Please keep this in mind as you evaluate your ego to meet my challenge to you.

And know that I give this advice to you as I work on it myself. My ego is trying to protect me, and it is easy to make poor comments around my children, but I know it is wrong.
It is not about what I feel, it is about doing what I know is right, and the feedback from JellyB is the thing that is right.

Chalk it up as a learning opportunity and push on brother. Continue your efforts with detaching and this will become an easier thing to do.