I am so sorry you are having to deal w/this. They detach from us 18-24 months (possibly longer) from us and that's why they don't appear to be in as much turmoil as we are when the bomb is dropped. Now, please do not be fooled by his attitude too much. When he's alone, he's got a lot of time to think about things and the guilt does eat at him, especially when he's alone and it's night. Why? Because they don't have anything to keep their minds busy and distracted. When the world is quiet that is when he does a lot of thinking, etc.
If he comes by, are you planning to be there? I would suggest that you be there because there are times when they will take a few things that we don't even miss until we go to get them for our own use. Also, do not be surprised if he doesn't take a whole lot. Some of them just take a few things and leave a number of their "treasured items" behind.
Telling him he is depressed isn't helping him. Yes, it would if he were open to listening, but he's not. They don't think that there is anything wrong w/them. They don't want to hear it, but in time, he'll begin to feel aches and pains and may possible develop health issues that he didn't have previously.
You did the right thing by listening and validating. The comment he made about it not mattering to him if you forgive him...he doesn't care right now and he can't understand how you could...but I would suggest you give him plenty of space and time once he's gotten his things from the apartment.
For now, continue to detach and go on living your life to the fullest as if he may not return. Time will tell just how your situation will play out. Again, I am so sorry you are having to deal w/this.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
