darknes -- yeah, I guess I don't get it yet. I was just not going to go into it in that particular e-mail is all I meant. It's exhausting for me to even think about the possibility of divorce at this point. Do you think I should?
Reading your post, I realize I have no clue what to write.
Im not great at it either, but as an example:
If W says "I want to get a divorce", there are a few ways you can respond:
1) "Im sorry you feel that way". This is sympathy. It's OK, but it doesnt really provide the empathy that comes with validation. It wouldnt let her feel heard.
2) "I agree with you. Thats a good choice." In some cases this is true. But if it ISNT, then you shouldnt say it.
3) "Here are reasons X, Y, and Z why thats a bad idea." Im sure weve all been here, right? This is INvalidating.
4) "I can see how ABC would cause you to feel that way." It's things like this that you are going for.
Id read the validation cheat sheet. Carefully. Often.
