I really don't have a plan, me and my W are living separately and she barely says 2 words to be unless she wants something relating to the children. I plan to just get on with life under the assumption we're never getting back together and if she ever comes around then I'll assess the damage and decide then if there is a future for us.
I'm starting to question now if I can ever trust her again to the future of out M looks pretty bleak.
Think it's time to get a solicitor and start thinking about protecting myself.
Long story short my W has returned from her trip and is looking to get more money out of me each month and is now set on moving away. I'm not sure where she is planning on going but she has said she can't remain in the town we live in as it depresses her and she needs to get away.
I believe she is still thinking about Australia from what I can gather.
You know, whenever I go on vacation in the mountains, I always have grandiose plans to move there and live like I'm on vacation everyday.. on the Flip Side, I live in a world wide beach destination area, where millions vacation every year, but yet I don't feel like I'm on vacation every day..
Moving somewhere to be happy is not realistic, its fantasy land, your WW is looking for somewhere to make her happy, but wherever she goes, there she is.
I would speak to a L about child custody if she moves away, I would imagine that she can't just move to another country with your child, but other than that, don't believe anything she says. She's just living in a fantasy world in her head.
Keep working on yourself KyleR, you do that and you will be happy no matter where you are, that's living life.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
My how things have taken a turn for the worse since my last post.
I received a hate filled messaged from my W about how I've been talking about her behind her back to all her friends and family and that I'm this, that and the other. It turns out that my SIL has been twisting our conversations and painting me out to be some psycho stalker who won't stop ringing her and had conveniently missed out all the times she's phoned me and all the stuff she's told me about my W.
I phoned my W as I am not going to allow lies to be said about me and told her EVERYTHING! Every little thing her SIL has ever told me since BD.
I'm sat here now knowing I've probably split up a family and feel absolutely horrible about myself.
I have worked my way through your posts and there have been some amazing responses including Sandi.
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Firstly WAW and WW
Sandi post to you on this is spot on although I speak from the point of view of a true WAW. I left because of abuse, I did not know what to do, I did as much as I thought I could. Even as I walked I said I am going because a. B. C. D.
If you want to resolve this we can by doing x y and Z.
I will work with you although I have decided I will not be abused.
Another example
I have a WAW friend who said the drinking must stop..... I will leave if the alcohol use does not stop and if you do this then I will walk with you. Her H stepped up to the plate, they had space and MC and AA. They are back together.
Waywards just say it's over and that they can't tell you specifically why, it might be you are not the man I M or I want my freedom or I am on the prowl or I have prowled or I might want the opportunity to prowl or I want a party life. They are rationalising selfishness, but no a b c or x y Z.
My definition here of a WAW is from a different slant to Sandis and I won't condemn a girl for fancying Liam Niesen.....
Momentary lapse there....
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When a WAW is in the first category you can't treat her as if she was wayward, she will not merely walkaway she will run. I saw my own faults in my M and I worked very hard to make those less of a limiting factor. When I arrived at DB it was do that which worked. Yes a WAW who DB, and more of the same if you thinking I am walking because I am wayward, it's a b c and d not waywardness.
When a W is a WW then working on you is part of your regime FOR YOU and for your D5. Not for your M or to reattract your WW.
Sandi advice on a WW is very important. You need strength and wisdom to deal with this, clear boundaries and determination for you.
And a pyrhic sense of humour.
Nothing, nothing you can do or say will talk your WW back to you if she is wayward and you won't nice her back.
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You are in the UK so please get an L. Immediately know your rights and those you have as a dad. Info is strength. This is important, these are my thoughts and I wished I had taken this vital step before I did, it would have removed my fears. There is a great site on selecting an L in the UK google Marilyn Stowe as there is an almost free ebook on how the system works in the UK, it's about the process and how the courts operate here especially with regards to fins and custody. Knowledge is power when your WW starts sling shots and taking your D Australia you will know and that will calm you.
Cards, close, chest in any order.
Document, photograph and record. Vital.
Keep a detailed diary and if necessary email to a safe friend to establish timelines.
No shooting from the hip or mouth. So I think STFU about SIL and any other squabbles. Take the High Road, be a gent but be the master of your emotions. That's my thinking.
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On nits, worms and bed bugs. They exist, they can be tough to treat if left, they certainly will multiply and create problems. Treat them asap and wash bedding in detergent and tumble dry. Google extensively and educate yourself on these fundamentals.
You can kill nit eggs by freezing, microwaving and tumble drying for 30 mins on a high heat. That's the clothing and bedding not the kids!
It can also be fun to do, with a magnifying glass, it's got the ugh factor about it. Children love squeam.
In case you ask I fostered teenagers and automatically assumed the worse include scabies (cured with overnight nit shampoo) one kid even caught crabs from sleeping in her mums bed. Don't ask!
Fact of life I am afraid........
But do take photographic evidence, kids love it. Pet Nits!
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Time my lovely to get your boundaries sorted.
So here are a few questions:
What are your goals?
Where are your limits?
What are your GAL plans?
As always you can say no to answering I will not be offended.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
No shooting from the hip or mouth. So I think STFU about SIL and any other squabbles. Take the High Road, be a gent but be the master of your emotions.
Seriously, this.
You arent going to win a war of words with your SIL when it comes to your W. You HAVE been talking to her family about her....who knows what was exaggerated in your SIL's mind or words or in how your W understood them.
Time to stop with this kind of attitude:
Originally Posted By: KyleR
I am not going to allow lies to be said about me and told her EVERYTHING! Every little thing her SIL has ever told me since BD.
What you perceive as "lies" and "truth" are subjective. And you wont change your W's mind with words.
It's so hard to not talk to the in laws because they feel like their your family too and while they don't understand your Ws choices they will support her no matter what they say to you
Do you now see why we told you to be wary of info from Ws friends and family , give yourself time and next time you interact with W , give yourself time to think about whatever she said and don't react
I did have a fairly lengthy conversation with my W this evening. No R talk, just trying to sort out this mess that we're in with my SIL.
Everything was very amicable and we both said our piece. She told me about Australia and said it was something she was thinking about but not for a few years yet. I took the opportunity to calmly tell her that I wouldn't support the move and that I wouldn't be willing to let her take my D to live on the other side of the planet.
Kyle, I am going to zoom in straight to the lice bit because I had such a horrid experience with them.
The other dbers are giving you great advice wrt to your W so I will just leave it.
If your D11 is infested, chances are your D5 will get reinfested. And it can take months to clear the problem.
Your D11 needs aggressive treatment. Can you get any prescribed meds from doctors and ask them for a more aggressive schedule? Clothes, beddings in the dryer or freezer. Daily combing with thick conditioner - nitty gritty comb is good. You can also use those flea combs for pets.
Good luck with the lice. They made my life hell for months.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
In my W defence it is extremely difficult to treat my D11 as she has hair down to her bum and is allergic cyclomethicone which is the main ingredient in most of the nit lotion on the market.
I'm doing what I can with the time I have with my girls to keep on top of it and I can say for certain that my D5 didn't have them when she left my house last Sunday. The issue is what happens when they're with my W, I can speak to her until I'm blue in the face but cant force her to do anything.
