5 months & counting

[Sotto]

Hi SR, without reading back, have your read Codependent No More? I found it really helpful and I was out with a friend who is reading it last night & she feels the same way.

I think the phrase to bear in mind is - do what works. It sounds as though you may be repeating some stuff that doesn't work - ending up having R talks for example. And you then feel he is lying, so is it worth having the convo anyway....and so on. It all seems to go round in a bit of a loop..

I do think the best way is to go more dim with him and only be minimally available. You can do this pleasantly - but have a focus other than him when he is there. For example, if he arrives to spend some time with the little one - say 'oh great that you're here. I'm going to go and do X and Y' - be back in an hour.

And if he initiates R talk and it seems hard to avoid it - merely listen and validate. I think for all of us, when we can reach a greater level of detachment, things get so much easier....for me that didn't truly happen until our D finalised....but go figure!!

You're travelling a hard road and doing really well, do forgive yourself as it is a steep learning curve. Xx