First post here...just starting to GAL and 180.

[EDF]

Often you can do everything "right" and they'll still act out, so I wouldn't use his reactions or emotions as your gauge of whether you are doing the right or wrong thing, or whether things are "working". That's part of what detaching is about.

In this case as you note you may have ended up pursuing too much by doing much of the talking, but he may have reacted the same way regardless. Moreover, it sounds like you realized you were talking too much, and you ended the conversation first like you should. His bathroom visit may or may not have been his attempt at punishing you, but that wouldn't mean that you stepping back was the wrong thing.

For what it's worth, some of my WW's harshest reactions have been to those moments when I stood up for myself or was otherwise managing to do things right as far as DBing goes. But getting through those moments have also often resulted in improved behavior down the road on her part.

One of my most worrisome moments was when I caught her writing erotica on her ipad. I confronted her and told her writing [censored] like that for OM while in bed with me was not acceptable and I wanted her out of the MBR. She swore up and down that it wasn't about OM, and she wasn't writing it for OM, and I was horrible for violating her privacy by peeking, and she had been on the verge of deciding to recommit to our marriage before I became "mean", and she cried and cried, etc, etc. She ended up refusing to leave the MBR. I felt like it was a horrible outcome and inside I felt horrible like ohhh no I really screwed up this time! She ignored me for several days.

But after a few days of me toughing it out she started being nicer towards me, and in other conversations she has made comments like worrying if she did see OM again she might find her stuff in the other room or out on the lawn. Good! She should be worried!