3 Months since she said i dont love you (3)

[Natus]

[quote]Sometime i feel like i want to take the tough route but i recognise that im driven a little bit by anger. What are good examples of going tough routes without ending up issuing ultimatums?

Not compromising your integrity. Standing strong for what you believe is right, and do not negotiate with what is wrong.

Setting boundaries and enforcing consequences if they are not honored.

Do not avoid conflict with your W. Stand up to her and show no fear.
</quote>

Lately i have been avoiding confict except for anything to do with OM or any wayward behaviour, that is a line that i have clearly drawn and have zero tolerance for.

Do not go out of your way or be self-sacrificing, to please your W (especially when she's wayward).

Let the self-confidence ooze with every fiber in your body.

Do not take on the responsibility of "making her happy".
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I admit i tend to self-sacrifice alot and not just for her but for my work, sports team, family, her family etc. Despite that i am considered a hard man, go figure. I adopted her sisters son and gave her sister (ex-con ex-drug addict) a job and yet im the self righteous one.

[quote=sandi2]
Stop agreeing with everything she says. Learn to say, "no". Immediately address the issues you have a problem with.

Do no be defensive.

Stop trying to "explain" yourself to your W, in hopes it will stop her from getting angry at you.
</quote>

This is an area i need to work on hard. Not so much on the agreeing part but being defensive and explaining myself.

[quote=sandi2]
Do not accept being the center of her jokes, her rudeness, or her put-downs of you. No eye-rolling, talking to you through the kids, or slamming things around to show her bad attitude. You need to have personal boundaries about these types of treatment from her (or anyone else).
</quote>

So far this hasnt been an issue. Her actions towards me are nice sprinkled in with some distance every now and then.

She does call me "daddy" instead "darling".

[quote=sandi2]
Stop letting your W always run the show (being the boss). You are the man with the b@lls, so don't be afraid to take charge.
</quote>
She tends to look to me to lead. This part not so much an issue. Im more struggling with how to strike a balance. Lead without seeming like its about me or my way all the time.

[quote=sandi2]
Do not show that you are seeking approval, especially her approval.

Do not meekly accept her, "Well, you'll just have to settle with ______ (fill in the blank with some attitude/behavior/action). You always have a choice. Never play the victim.

Do not make her so-called "needs" your priority while she's being disrespectful, b'tchy, manipulative, etc. Do not give more than she's giving back, until she changes her attitude/behavior.

Do not be passive! I can't say it enough......NEVER be passive-aggressive. It is sooooo unattractive.
</quote>

Her behaviour has been nice and i am nice in turn. Im also nice when she is being distant.

She knows i wont settle for friendship. I have made that abundantly clear.

[quote=sandi2]
Are you ready for me to stop? Some of these statements may sound like a good case for argument. (Especially if some woman reads this who has/had an unkind H). However, I didn't go into detail, and kept it blunt. If you have the nice guy syndrome, your antenna may go up and say, "But this doesn't feel like the right thing to do. I have always......." This is not about becoming an a$$. It's about showing strength in the interaction with your WW. You will need to read/study about the NG syndrome. The Internet is full of information just waiting for you. You don't have to stop being a nice person and become a jerk. You don't need to go the extreme opposite. It's one thing to be a good person, a polite and kind person. But the NG Syndrome is not a good thing, and it's not what women want in a H. Any woman who has been M to a man who has the NGS, knows what I am talking about. It kills her attraction for him.

Your W is not all the way back from her waywardness. She is doing some things you have asked from her, but her feelings aren't coming around yet. These next weeks are very crucial. I promise you, she will be attracted to the your new interaction....if you apply correctly. Women want their man to be stronger than she is. She may never tell you in words, and in fact, she'll likely buck up about it at first. B/c her way has reigned for so long that she's not going to like giving up her power over you. But once she is convinced that you are going to stand nose to nose and not back down in fear or anger....she'll start to respect you in her heart, at least. Eventually, she'll start to respect you in attitude and behavior. You simply must set boundaries!!

No dont stop these are all great points and allows me to compare where i am at in my sich.

I think i am a NG, i dont know if the W does.

Sandhi, what do you think at this stage if i be more assertive, flirty, alpha male, pursue? past few weeks i've been trying to give her some space.