Emotional Availability and Detachment

[rj2]

hey seattle and all- thought I'd throw in some smiles and a little positivity here... on "detachment", R's, and the sweet spot of DB.

The thing I'm contemplating now and maybe you can as well is, if we were both "detached" for a number of months, would my R hold out in the end? By this I mean that if we both took a "holiday" from it w/little to no contact, no emotional attachment, etc.. during a period and then one day either of us made that step forward to "re-connect" would the door still be open or would it be sealed at that point?

IMHO, and what has produced success for me is not doubting-whatsoever. PMA is the most impt part of DB and take it to the level that there are always chances. Every day is something new. An R is never over or gone unless BOTH people pull away from it for good. It's what DB is all about! We cant control others, but we can INFLUENCE THEM GREATLY!! For example my sister and her significant other broke up and were apart for a year- no contact even, and got back together a year later when they resumed contact and had good contacts. If you have EVER had a close connection with a person, there is every likelihood that you can resume that R in the future. It's called confidence. Knowing you are great and trusting that your S is smart enough to see that too in the not so distant future. Using all the DB methods to connect with your S again, etc.... Nothing ever has to be final, as long as we are living beings, heck maybe even beyond, right! What happens for you depends on what YOU DO and what ATTITUDE you take about it. I'm going on a tangent here, but I can't stress it enough that WE decide to make or break our sitches, and don't we want to decide to MAKE it happen?! That's why we're all here in Piecing?

This no fail attitude plus "detachment" from the things our S's DO and the things they SAY- not "detaching" from the R is the sweet spot of DB. And it all comes through confidence when you don't listen to or react in an upset manner to the NEGATIVE things they say and do. See the positive things that are happening first and foremost. I'm convinced it all takes place on the deep level. If you've ever had an R with the person, the love is still there. Just buried by resentments, hurt, etc. Love heals in time. And strategy is very impt too. This is where the thinking/analyzing is GOOD. It's like studying for a test, do you want to get an A+ or are you gonna settle for a B or C. Fully understanding what's going on and how to handle it IS KEY. Key to becoming that amazing, confident bright beam of light! So bright that your S is drawn to you, and tons of friends too! Let's face it the people who become the most popular have the most people around them. Shine, rather than reflect. Come from YOUR center, rather than succombing to S's current state.

It is our choice whether to keep up with DB, keep trying great strategies or whether to give up and drop out of the class. But, my hunch is that none of us are in Piecing to give up on success, right?! Suppose I'm now gaining the rep as the DB cheerleader!

W's, "It may be wonderful" Man, take this and run with it!! I'm not gonna sit by and let you focus on the "may not"!!