I'm sorry about the depression you are feeling Zues, I can relate. I am going through a phase myself right now. I was never a depressed individual until the divorce. I wanted to pretty much die during bomb drop and the year that followed. I went on AD's and leveld out for 6 months, then went off. Then I got depressed again when I was struggling at a job where I worked 60+ hours a week, not making very good money for my profession, and put in dangerous situations. It got so bad I ended up in the ER with blood pressure through the roof (and mine was always perfect). I went on AD's again and came off when I got a new job. Coming off of those was very difficult and I promised I would never go on them again.
Well, here I am, suffering from a bout of depression again.I tried lots of exercise, yoga, keeping busy, friends,IC, you name it, I tried it. I have decided for myself to go back on AD's to take help with the pain and crying, not to make me happy. That comes from me.
Situational depression lots of time comes from hopelessness. That's where mine usually comes from. I can read a bit of hopelessness in your post. Sometimes when we are deep in the cr@p, it's hard to see a possible way out. But know that you will. Keep focused on the things that you enjoy, like your chess and pool. Maybe get some exercise. Exercise really does increase your endorphins.
It's time for self care an lessening some pressure on yourself.
