My wife has said that we are no longer together, it's over, no going back and she has given up on our marriage. She got quite angry when saying it.
Despite this she has still invited me to go to a family bbq with her and our kids and she says she still wants to do things with the kids as a mum and dad not H and W. We have a holiday booked in September and she still is thinking we are all going still.
Another common trait of the WW is doing what we call "cake eating", where she wants the best of both worlds. She doesn't want to be your W, but she wants the advantages of family. For example, doing things as mum and dad with the kids......just don't confuse it with H and W? Nope, that is not reality of a D. She needs to see the reality ASAP. The reality is she has certain days with the kids and you have certain days. There is no doing things as a family when you are divorced. Don't fall into her cake eating traps.
Quote:
She wants to talk to me when we are sat together, makes me drinks and asks about my day, she hasn't mentioned D for a week or mentioned splitting assets for the same time. But she seems comfortable around me and has a laugh still with me and the kids.
When are you sitting together and talking? Are you going to see her, or is she coming to see you, or what? The above ^^^ is an example of her cake eating. She won't miss you or the M b/c she is getting these little slices of cake, which she likes and live a long time on cake.
You are wanting to give her affection b/c that is your LL and b/c you feel very needy. You are wanting assurance, and for you, it comes through affection. Don't do it. It's not time, yet.
Quote:
I've just been thinking about my wife's family, she has 6 brothers all married with kids etc.
I feel a great loss here too as they treated me as a brother and I became an integrated member of the family, often going out with them and doing things as a large family.
Right now, you are lonely and your thinking is relating everything to "family" and how badly you want to keep it.
Quote:
How do I deal with them? They have become distant with me, which is to be expected, do I shut them out, make an effort still?
They have become distant with you. Not the other way around. That is could be for a couple of reasons, but long story shortened is that blood is thicker than water. No matter if they accepted you like a brother, they will choose their sister over you. That's just the way it is when these things happen.
Both of my grown children went through divorces, and maintained a friendly relationship with their former in-laws. However, there was no more visiting back & forth, or attending family get-togethers.
So, how do you deal with them? If you happen to run into them in the grocery store, you act warm and friendly......but do not overkill. They are the ones who are shutting you out, remember? So, if they don't want to be chummy, respect their wishes. Just don't act like a jerk if you see them across the parking lot. Throw up your hand in a wave, and they don't make a step toward you, then let it go. A lot of family members act this way b/c they see it as loyalty to their sister, or whoever it may be. When the MR is reconciled, everything will probably be fine with the family members again.......if you don't sr@w something in the meantime.
Quote:
This bbq I've been invited is a family event, I don't really want to go but people are saying I should go, my W father told me I should go.
What would be best? Go and do it as a family as my wife wants to do things with us all as a family, or leave it?
I thought you said they were being distant? Is that just the brothers? Or, is that your imagination b/c your mind is working overtime?
Here is what I believe the LBS should do if his marital status is separation or divorced. Do not attend her family events. If they want to visit with you, then they go to your house or meet you somewhere else. Attending her family events looks pursuing, and usually, the WW resents it.....(depending on her ever changing mood). If her parent invited you, they are being nice. Many times, the parent wants to "help" by having the SIL over, but it actually makes everyone feel uncomfortable. My advice is kindly thank the one who invited you, and gracefully decline.
Do the right thing and leave her family alone in their event, while you go find something fun to do.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
