I feel your confusion, anquish, pain; I really do. But you are wearing yourself out trying to justifiy YOUR actions in perception to her thoughts. Which most of the post is in relation to. Guess what and you know this? YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHE IS THINKING. I've been told countless times; you cannot figure it out, not then, not now.
You are going to do whatever you want and then be disappointed and then justify it.
I know you want your R to work, we all do, but I think you are overworking and overanalyzing the problem.
