I can only imagine how hard this is. Please start thinking about your H as another friend who existed in your life or just met and is more of an acquaintance. I still think about my W but it is more in that context as she is so different. Do I still get angry and have feelings, yes, but those feelings will fade with time sweet Phoebe.
I know you were doing this to get info on H's location. Maybe have someone else do this so it does not cause you so much pain.
I hope you managed to get some decent rest.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...