Newby here, desperate for some advice

[Coconut]

Since she initiated the conversation, I congratulated her and told her that I was really happy for her.

Validating is about recognizing her feelings, you being really happy for her is about your feelings. Something more like, "I know how important it is to you to succeed in your position, you must feel great that they recognized your hard work".

It was pretty brief and light. Before I knew what I was doing, I asked her what she was doing on the computer at one point (paying some bills). I realized immediately that wasn't DB but too late.

At this point, you need to be giving her space, trying to keep a conversation going, even light hearted, and questioning what she is doing on the computer, isn't DB or giving her space.

I went to bed without saying goodnight, which is a 180 for me. She read on the couch for a while, then came to bed sometime later.

So you're holding conversations with her, but then your being rude by not saying goodnight? Think of your wife as a roommate that you don't really know well, would you say goodnight to them? The goal isn't to be rude or show that you don't care, the goal is to be a happy, nice, safe person to be around (without fear of being pressured). A 180 that you need to work on is not questioning her about her actions (what is she doing on computer).

When I woke up this AM, our feet were lightly touching. I sat there not knowing what to do -- move my foot, or not move my foot. Ridiculous what this has come to!

I so understand this, it is such an awkward feeling to not know how to react to physical touch with your W, someone that has been closer to you than anyone else. Basically, move your foot if you want, or if your comfortable don't move your foot. But don't keep your foot there just to touch her.

She kissed me on the check when she left. I didn't move my cheek. Should I have? It was probably just because I was standing near the door, and she couldn't think of a way that wasn't awkward to get past me. Geez, the level of micromanagement of each moment and thinking and knowing what to do is intense.

If she isn't having an A then I don't see any reason why you wouldn't accept a kiss on the cheek from her, it would be awkward to move away, and a kiss on the cheek doesn't say much. But don't be standing by the door tomorrow hoping that she'll do it again. Don't do anything hoping to get a response from her.

Your just starting this process, so yes the micromanagement of each moment is daunting, but it will get easier when you realize that you are just treating her like you would a neighbor or maybe sister. Your job is to be confident, stable, cheerful to be around, while not focusing on her but also not making her feel like you are trying to avoid her.