Oh dear, I've gotten a bit confused and responded without clearly following everything though I think everything I wrote was true I just missed some parts.
He IS verbally and emotionally abusive - I'm NOT throwing these words around lightly. He regularly calls me names - though not lately... January he called me a piece of [censored]. When he get's like that it's nauseating. More and more I see it as a sick child spinning out and not about me but it does seep into my psyche. Now he is either friendly and fun or sulky or accusatory.
Ugh I hate writing because I think it makes it clear that I should leave. But I'm not sure. I really am very confused.
Here's the takeaway - I DO HAVE A PART - I always knew I had a part but I'm seeing now that my part isn't the part I thought.
I didn't make him do the things he did or vice versa. But my part is being overly dependent on him and his opinion. Being a people pleaser. Focusing on myself is a very good thing for me to work on. Another part I can own is my self pity and the trash talking of him. I simultaneously want to prove to all of you how bad he is and also find out how to get him to ACTUALLY follow me around like a puppy. I have trash talked him to his mother, sister, aunt and many of my friends. Trash talking is harsh on me - I've told them my angle of his trashy behavior, complained a lot but never left which is exhausting for everyone. I've told you some things about him to try to paint a story - it looks worse here because I've told you all the worst stuff... mainly it's the daily irritability.. that is grating... But then again his own aunt said most people would have left a long time ago and she loves him like I do... actually at this point, more than I do.
RosaLinda, would it be helpful if I asked him what meds he's on now? He might get suspicious... but I might be able to find out.
