Reading through alot of the other experience you all have had and are having with MLCers and I gotta say, all of this is exactly what's happening to us. The questions I ask myself, the confusion I go through on a daily basis. H's words vs his actions. How he interacts with people, not just me. This is everything we've been experiencing.
It scares me to know that these things can go on for years...and we're so young. And sometimes these things are never resolved. This is scary. I find myself on the seesaw of emotions. When he withdraws and disappears into thin air like this, makes me feel like he has moved on.
Makes me question everything. Do I wait? But I want to have kids...obviously with him. How long do I wait? I don't want to give up. So missing that companionship, his loving touches, him knowing me and me not having to put on a front, sharing my life with him, sharing our resources, etc.
Some people tell me I need to start dating or at least go on a few dates. Not sure what to do. Even though we're not through this journey, this entire experience has taught me so much already about myself, things I needed and still need to work on within myself, my husband, his needs, my role as his wife, his role as my husband and relationships with people in general. I can't even how naïve I've been up until this happened. Never in a million years would I have ever thought this kind of thing could penetrate our bond and the love we have for each other. I only hope H awakens from this fog soon and we can take steps to rebuild our marriage.
I'm wrestling with acting "as if" and actually moving on. H has been in withdrawal for about a 1.5 weeks after coming off some very lovely interactions. I feel crazy. I also think my H is smartening up to my patterns and how they work alongside his. So thats another reason I'm thinking its time to switch it up, even though all switching it up really means is moving on. Ugh, this is mind bending, devastating and hard.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
