WAW,still angry, am I indifferent or detached now?

[SH_]

Hi all.

Phoebe and Sara thank you for checking in on me and for the well wishes for the Independence holiday. I had a good time. D17 and I spent the day with my friend and his family. We went swimming and had a BBQ. We then all drove out and enjoyed the celebratory fireworks. We enjoyed the time in spite of missing d5.

V, thank you for the wise and kind words around the behavior that I continue to experience with STBXW. I know you speak the truth and I am seeing the pattern. I believe in part this is why it is not rattling me as it did in the early days. I feel bad for her as I know it is taking a bigger toll on her than me at this point. I just find the behavior to be convincing me that being apart is better for me at this point in my life. I see hope and feel positive energy as I look forward, where for many years it was fear and worry. I am not saying it is all her fault, but there were many dysfunctional challenges between the 2 of us that led us to this point. I know in my heart I was aware of the challenges and have been working to overcome them. I know there is still much to work out for my own personal issues, but I see things in a very different manner than I did several months ago.
Hopefully soon, the legal aspect of the d can be wrapped up and then legal boundaries will be set and I can go about my way with out as much debate around every little thing she finds un satisfying.
I will learn the way of being a single divorced father, and I will do it as well if not better than I did as a married father in what seems to have been a much more unhappy MR than I would have ever thought.

It has been 3 days since not seeing d5 and there is still a week and half to go. It is difficult as I miss her so. D17 is also feeling the absence of her sister. But we will be strong and stay busy and the time will pass promptly enough until we get to spend time with her again.

Some quick journaling to catch up.....
After the little explosion, I had several good days. Friday was the STBX's birthday and my D's spent the day with their mother. I expected d17 back in the evening, but not d5 as part of the co parenting agreement is that d5 will spend the day with either parent on their birthday. After the little explosion from STBX around time with our d5, I was surprised when I received a text from STBX that both girls were on their way back to my home. I did not ask, I just enjoyed the opportunity to have more time with d5.
D17 shared that she basically convinced her mother to let her sister come back with her so that she did not have to come over early in the morning and then again the same night to pick her up.

So now several days that d5 is with her mother out of state for a 2 week "vacation" at her parents home. D5 called this morning real early, but I could hear her mother directing her what to say to me and d17 stated she could hear the same when she spoke with her sister. It sounded like STBX was using d5 to probe us for information of what we have been doing. She is also sending odd texts to d17 from d5 in the same manner. Very bizarre, but again, her circus, monkeys, clowns, clown cars, bearded ladies and angry jungle felines.

So I have a busy week of GAL and vacation fun activities with friends and d17.
Tomorrow we are going paint balling. We've never done so, but found a groupon and a great indoor place so we can stay out of the heatwave.
Thursday d17 will be out with friends all day, and I am going out with a friend from work. Then in the evening we all are going to an escape room. Also a first for us. D17 had given me this as a Christmas present so I look forward to it.
Friday, d17 has work, I will get the grocery shopping and chores down and then we are looking to go to a movie. Saturday we are going indoor skydiving. This will cap our fun filled week and we are looking forward to it all.

I am also hammering out plans to keep things moving as well as for my future. This has been something that I have avoided as a future that I had been working on for so long had been shattered, I avoided looking forward as it just seemed to have pain and uncertainty in it. Now I feel hope and optimism and want to create a new dream that gets me out of bed and moving forward with excitement and joy. Lots of work to do, but that is what life is all about right?!


You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. C.S. Lewis