Deadline for Decision 8/15

[Zues126]

Thanks for the post J. I don't disagree. Sometimes it feels like we're all looking at different parts of the elephant and seeing the same thing from different angles. I'm definitely guilty of this as my experience has been a twighlight zone episode of fallout that I still struggle to believe is legally endorsed and culturally accepted. So I'm definitely sensitive to this stuff too, and I appreciate your feedback and the respectful way it was delivered.

The one thing I will say is that you always try hard to see things from every angle, challenge yourself, hold yourself to a high standard and look hard in the mirror every day. You HAVE spent a lot of time wrestling with those questions, and that is why you have always been one of my DB heroes. When you live in that way I feel confident the decisions you make will either be right on, or as close as you can get being that we're all flawed humans.

Maybe my message should have been to simply do the same. If a WAS is deemed to be a threat then cut bait, but if you're trying to save a marriage it makes sense to understand their narrative, the role you play in it, and as much about the dynamic as possible so you can change it by changing your part of the dance. I know when I came on the boards I was encouraged to think long and hard about these things. If you read back through my posts no one ever suggested that XW was a person I needed to protect myself from, it was about me, my thought patterns, my contributions to the breakdown of the marriage, and what I needed to own up to. And while WAS's are notorious for spewing venom, we are instructed to find the underlying unmet needs behind the pain and resentment they are taking out on us to find the nuggets of truth, own them, and do 180s to try to become better people. That's what I've come to accept as part of the standard DB process, so we have more recovered marriages and less divorces with pointed fingers. That's what I've been trying to say all along I think.