Weird isn't it? Sometimes they feel they have to D to get rid of the "bad" stuff. There is no way I'm ever going to understand this. But, guys just want a new start.
Funny how your H wants to be around you so much now and wants a R. Go figure!
Quote: My thought process is to just enjoy the time and not think too much into it. Even IF we were on our way to getting back together, we have a LONG LONG way to go.
I am focusing on me.
Blessings to all! Water
Hi Water,
I haven't been able to stop by here knowing I'm soon to be D'd as well.
But tonight I'm getting out again.
So just want you to know my thoughts are with you and I love your normal sounding time.
I have a feeling the friendship CHL has in mind isn't anything like what you are getting! Betting no , since there isn't any now.
Take care of yourself.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Updating....gosh it has been a long time. I have been on here daily, just not a lot of posting.
When last we tuned in, xH was here to have eye surgery done. We spent 4 days together.
The following week he needed to come back for a week check up. I asked if he needed to be picked up from airport, he said he did not. I asked what his plans were, if he was going to stay the weekend. He said he was not, but nothing personal. What does that mean??
He ended up missing his flight. He paged me to let me know and was p!ssed off.
I did not hear from him all weekend. The next week we talked once on the phone. We had a good conversation. He told me he feels like he is stuck and doesn't know how to get unstuck. He told me that he knows the changes that I have/am making.
This past weekend he went to his nephew's graduation in OK. It was also his 40th birthday. I left him a message that just said: "hey! Happy Birthday!"
He called the house on his birthday, but only talked to S.
I called him on Wed in the morning. He was distant and just in conversation a couple of times thought that I was implying that he was not really at his newphew's house. I didn't defend, just said things like I'm sorry that you feel that way, it wasn't my intent.
We talked about forgiveness. He asked what are you forgiving me for now?
I told him that I was working on forgiveness as we were together for over 20 yrs and not all of it was good. I am tired of carring that around with me. Also, perhaps that it would help him as well. He said "oh, that makes a lot more sense, thank you".
He said again that he can see the changes that I am making. But in a way it pisses him off. He said, why now? why did you wait until we got to this point and I'm living up here by myself?" I told him that I truly wish I would have done it 5 years ago, but I didn't. It happened now. And I can only say it will never go back to the way it was.
He is closing on his new house today. He said he was moving in this weekend. I asked if he was excited and he said No.
We talked for about an hour. At the end of the conversation it was like he was pausing for something. I said a couple of times that I needed to get ready for work... silence. I said, "I love you". He said "I love you too" and then he said good bye.
SOOOOOOOOO I feel like he is retreating into a cave. WITHDRAWL??
It is time to go to the polls folks...
OPTION 1 Do nothing. NO contact, let him come to me. Let him miss me.
OPTION 2 Send him a page letting him know that a good friend who is a really good unpacker is there if needed and to have a good day.
OPTION 3 Write in option. This is where you, the voters, get to tell me your ideas!!
Thank you all and you are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Sorry water, my magic "8" seems to be broke! ... keep gettin "Ask me later". <Just kiddin'>
Quote: He said again that he can see the changes that I am making. But in a way it pisses him off. He said, why now? why did you wait until we got to this point and I'm living up here by myself?" I told him that I truly wish I would have done it 5 years ago, but I didn't. It happened now. And I can only say it will never go back to the way it was.
Michele points out this is the classic "text book" reaction. It also means he is sortin out all of this, so its usually works to give them space during this time.
However, with that said, it also seems to work in your favor when you initiate ... so without my magic "8" ball to help ... I'd say go ahead with option #2 and put it out there. If he says "no", then be OK with it and accept he needs his space now. If he says "yes", it means he's looking for a distraction from his current "inside the head wrestling" and what better distraction to have than you spending a good time with him.
Disclaimer: If this turns out to be bad advise, I blame it on the broken magic "8" ball!!!
Thanks for the update, I have been thinking about you and trying to send good thoughts your way!
I vote for #1. I think your H knows that you are there for him, that is why he calls you at odd hours. He seems to be in a depressed MLC funk and you don't need to get dragged into his drama. It just brings you down! And you don't need that.
Just my .02...
Focus on the other good stuff in your life, and if you want to get together sometime just send me an e-mail.
Take care, SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
Greetings to all~ Well now, here is a new development.... I took everyone's wonderful advise as KAW's magic 8 ball is out of service. How is that coming along KAW? I have been leaving XH alone and letting him contact me. A couple weekends ago a bunch of people that I work with went out to a couple bars. I saw a guy that I used to work with and he was a JERK and XH knows who he is. Well he was at one of the bars and was talking to me and bought me a drink. I really didn't spend much time talking to him, and our group left to go to another bar. Then we ended up at Denny's having breakfast at the wee hours of the morning.
I told XH about this and he had lots of questions. Did anyone hit on you? Did you dance with anyone? etc
I just answered his questions casually but honestly. I tried to keep Wiley's wise words in my mind...(Thanks Wiley!!)
Then I went back to no contact. Well low and behold he calls me during the week. We talk for a bit. Then again, no more contact from me.
Now it is last Friday night and he sends me a page with his new address at 11:00 at night. REALLY you have lived there a week and wait till Fri night to contact me? Could you be wondering what I'm doing? I respond with a thank you. Sure enough, the next question is "So what are you doing?"...hummmmmm
Now it is Saturday night. And sure enough he sends me a page at 11:30 at night wishing me a good evening. WHAT! I again kept Wiley in mind and did not respond until the NEXT morning. Any guesses as to what his first question was?? "So what were you doing?"
Could someones mind be working? Are there some small, tiny breaks in the fog?
We do page each other a few messages on Sunday, just little things.
Wednesday night about 5:30 he calls me. This is very different. He usually doesn't call from work. He tells me that it has been a long time since he's heard from me and want to make sure I was still alive. 3 days was a long time to him!!
Again, I kept Wiley on my shoulder. I was DRIPPING with confidence. I have a company and am branching out into a new area and was excitedly telling him about it. I told him that I had a conference call with a guy who was in the same type of business. I also told him some changes I made with our adult children who live with me as roommates. He was very impressed. Holding them accountable was always an issue for me, so huge 180 not only for DB'ing, but as a mom too!
Sure enough more pages that very night. Then we migrated to a phone call. We talked for over an hour just about random things. He was very complimentary. He told me that he always knew I would make a great businesswoman. He specifically told me that he was PROUD of me and the way I have been dealing with the kids and it seems to have been very positive for everyone. WELL, then the conversation turned to a more sexual nature. Turned into full on phone sex.
XH also brought up an article he read on trust within a relationship. The article gave two examples to think about and discuss. 1st was your spouse is on computer, but keeps his email password protected. 2nd was about telling significant other that they are not the "best" you've ever had. We talked about each and our thoughts on them.
Yesterday I come home and there is a box delivered for me. It is from a company on line that XH shops at frequently. There are two really cool watches. I call him, but got his vm. He calls me back about 10:30 last night. He tells me Happy Birthday! my birthday is in a couple weeks. He asked me two days ago what I wanted for my birthday. We don't talk very long. We both are very tired.
Today, I emailed him some pictures of our S. Told him I was wearing a lovely watch and thanked him. Wished him a wonderful day.
Today would have been our 21st wedding anniversary.
No response.
Whew, I am tired from just writting all that, I hope I haven't made you all dizzy.
Water - boy, he's still confused, isn't he? Seems like what you are doing right now is working - getting a life, being a little mysterious, being a little intriguing (like the phone sex ).
Don't sweat the anniversary - if he doesn't say anything, it just may be that he doesn't know what to say, or is in such a fog that he's forgotten it (when the aliens invade, their memories go right out the window), or he has plans for something nice for the weekend, or whatever. Just take yourself out tonight for a nice dinner and celebrate the good parts of your marriage.
Lots of baby steps going on here...in bits and pieces. Just continue with what you are doing...keeping Wiley's advice in that little cloud over your head seems to keep you on track. Good job! Like KLM stated, continue to fill your life...stay busy....be somewhat mysterious...and let him PURSUE. Hey....he's wondering?!?!?
Let him wonder a bit more. You are in my prayers...hang tough! LOL
, since there isn't any now. 
What does that mean??
<Just kiddin'>
).