Newby here, desperate for some advice

[JRuss]

doodler -- my wife just assumes it will be fine for our kids. They're "resilient". I think she's whitewashing it, frankly. Many, many well-meaning couples somehow manage to do just about everything right: no fighting, no badmouthing the other spouse, friendly, amicable, etc., and their children STILL end up messed up. That's my biggest fear of all, frankly. I know I'd eventually survive the divorce and having to confront that loss (it wouldn't be easy, of course), but if I thought I'd contributed to screwing up either of my kids, I'd really not be able to manage, I don't think.