Updating....gosh it has been a long time.
I have been on here daily, just not a lot of posting.

When last we tuned in, xH was here to have eye surgery done. We spent 4 days together.

The following week he needed to come back for a week check up. I asked if he needed to be picked up from airport, he said he did not. I asked what his plans were, if he was going to stay the weekend. He said he was not, but nothing personal. What does that mean??

He ended up missing his flight. He paged me to let me know and was p!ssed off.

I did not hear from him all weekend. The next week we talked once on the phone. We had a good conversation. He told me he feels like he is stuck and doesn't know how to get unstuck. He told me that he knows the changes that I have/am making.

This past weekend he went to his nephew's graduation in OK. It was also his 40th birthday. I left him a message that just said: "hey! Happy Birthday!"

He called the house on his birthday, but only talked to S.

I called him on Wed in the morning. He was distant and just in conversation a couple of times thought that I was implying that he was not really at his newphew's house.
I didn't defend, just said things like I'm sorry that you feel that way, it wasn't my intent.

We talked about forgiveness. He asked what are you forgiving me for now?

I told him that I was working on forgiveness as we were together for over 20 yrs and not all of it was good. I am tired of carring that around with me. Also, perhaps that it would help him as well. He said "oh, that makes a lot more sense, thank you".

He said again that he can see the changes that I am making. But in a way it pisses him off. He said, why now? why did you wait until we got to this point and I'm living up here by myself?"
I told him that I truly wish I would have done it 5 years ago, but I didn't. It happened now. And I can only say it will never go back to the way it was.

He is closing on his new house today. He said he was moving in this weekend. I asked if he was excited and he said No.

We talked for about an hour. At the end of the conversation it was like he was pausing for something. I said a couple of times that I needed to get ready for work... silence. I said, "I love you". He said "I love you too" and then he said good bye.

SOOOOOOOOO I feel like he is retreating into a cave. WITHDRAWL??

It is time to go to the polls folks...

OPTION 1
Do nothing. NO contact, let him come to me. Let him miss me.

OPTION 2
Send him a page letting him know that a good friend who is a really good unpacker is there if needed and to have a good day.

OPTION 3
Write in option. This is where you, the voters, get to tell me your ideas!!

Thank you all and you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

Blessings
Water