My wife walked out 3

[RSG]

Thanks CBT. Up and down, up and down. This week is the perfect week to cut down on communication, not pickup the phone whenever she contacts and slow down. S is with my folks all week, so I can chill out.

Zeus, I'll hit a few things. Counseling is through her school, which is a private Christian school thus likely Christian based counseling. They'll help with depression and getting her head right, hopefully. My M is on the back burner, I want to make sure S has a competent mother first and foremost as horrible physical health makes an already cloudy mind even worse.

I've been working on me pretty well I think. I have figured out at least some of my problems within the marriage. 1: Every argument was like a football game rather than a chance to solve problems. Whoever got closest to the goal line won. It was more about defending actions than DOING anything. 2: Horrible communication. I'd explain something in what were obvious terms to me. I'd only do it once more, and if she still didn't get it I'd shut down and say I'm not repeating myself. 3: I had no idea of her love language. I just read the book and it is wonderful! She may be bilingual, but first and foremost is acts of service. Sweeping, cleaning out toilets, taking out trash when she asks for help. I fought whenever she mentioned, because I said I'd do it on my time, rather than recognize it was a symbol of love to her. 4: Listening and validating rather than offering advice. I was an exact scenario in the 5 LL book. When she didn't take my advice, I just complained and said she made her own bed when all she wanted was me to hear her pain, validate and sometimes love on her. 5: Not react in physically negative ways when she wanted to discuss something. For me, the ACTION is all that matters not the reaction. Doing something that stinks (taking the car for service, putting something together, scheduling appointments, cooking when I'm exhausted, etc) but needs to get done is what I ask for. For her, my negative reaction just made her feel worse.

Those are all things I recognize now and have been working on as much as I can. 180s? I'm trying to be a lighthouse. I'm being friendlier and more outgoing. I don't get enraged in traffic. I listen and validate. I shaved off my beard, which I've had since I met her. I put on cologne all the time. I don't initiate contact, and try not to be the fixer. I clean the house regularly. I don't offer advice. They're all a work in progress, and I slip occasionally, but those are the main things so far.

I'm thinking about going to see a therapist myself pretty soon. If things get much weirder, I'm def going to need a professional outlet....