((Water)) I hope you realize that I was being facetious the other day.
I'm reading a lot of feedback about what H should do, and how it's frustrating that he's not, etc. I'm sure it helps to know that other ppl are in the same sitch as you, but it's important that we keep the focus on YOU and what YOU can do to make yOURSELF feel better.
As much as you think H needs AD's, he may be extremely resistant to discussing it and feeling like you are pushing even if you do it most gently. He has to want help for himself. Unless you say something like, "have you ever thought about talking to someone or taking AD's?" I'm not sure if you'd had that convo.
I wish I knew how you could help make him feel better. Validating seems to be key. What about the example in the book about the depressed man and the w trying to cheer him up (or was it the other way around?) Cheering up may not work, but validating will. Or the story about the guy who thought his boss was being unreasonable. She kept telling him he could do it, etc...no help. Then one day she slams her hand on the table and agrees with the injustices that h is feeling. Then he says, " well, maybe it's not THAT bad..I think I can do this..., etc."
What is different when he doesn't talk this way? Are there days when he seems less depressed or more confident in himself? What are YOU doing to contribute to that?
