First post here...just starting to GAL and 180.

[Buxom]

I'm feeling very lonely and confused with all I am reading and thinking about.
I'm 5 weeks post BD2 when I saw messages to another different woman from his AA group. He'd had her and other a over to our place for a bonfire just two weeks prior so I do know her a bit.

I confronted him right away and he was not forthcoming when given the chance. I told him the facts as I knew them and he agreed and spoke of knowing it was a temporary feel good just like the booze and food used to do for him. We talked about it as another form of addiction. I was calm and took days before I cried with my C. He said he would end it but last Saturday I heard from someone who saw them together in the restaurant my D16 works in! I was mad. I have said nothing about this as I felt like he's just got home after the "lovely" time with her and if I laid into him, it would only prove home was not a great place to be. A week prior to this past Saturday we had a huge fight when he got home from "work"... I told him I was struggling with my emotional and needed to know if he was still seeing her. He blew up in a rage I have not seen in years. I stood my ground but could not stop myself from commenting and defending myself. Example.
He.. I'm not leaving this time. You can leave!
Me.. I'm not leaving. If u have someone else, go be with her.
And
He.. you are always too emotional and I've been sick of it for years and years.
Me.. that's hardly fair to not communicate all this to me when I asked about or connection or other specific issues. Have you not noticed the changes in me over the last year?
He.. well I don't trust it. We just don't trust each other any more.
I finally walked away cos there was no true solution or ending. He was very angry and very short with me, when he did talk to me for two days. I had started 180 a few days before and went further in from that fight on. I did not do things for him, no beg plead etc, I went in others rooms of the house and stayed busy. I spoke very pleasantly when he asked a question or spoke first, I kept it short. When he softened his tone and words I responded with pma and attention. I acknowledged his good deeds like bringing me morning coffee one day when I had an early morning and he did not have to get up. We have been in separate bed since the day of the fight. He's been more helpful, had to do his own laundry and even came to my room one evening and said, oh, I just wanted to see where you were. Positive I know but I'm not getting my hopes up too soon, like before.
Whats hard and confusing for me is that line between staying in 180 and a good relationship building connection. I caved yesterday and said to him in the morning, that I was missing our touches and kissing hi and bye each day. I asked if we could do that again and he said," yes,we can do that." He has made an effort to do this as I have not sought him out. He came into my room this morning to chat and say good bye and kiss prior to work.
We've had a great deal of stress in recent years with his weight loss surgery, transfer addiction to alcohol affair #1 that lasted two years then two more as EA, then alcohol treatment after almost losing his job and us. We separated after his suicide attempt as he was still drinking and I did not want the kids exposed to the addictions further. After eight months we reunited after his completion of rehab. During his time in rehab I was diagnosed with breast cancer and had surgery two weeks after his return. Last August there was chemo and then December was radiation so many trips to the city for treatments. January to March things seemed good with us. Sex was lacking but I was still exhausted and didn't think of it much.
April he started EA and went PA in May.

Sorry so long. These are the highlights. The fight was a turning point for me and GAL as I learned more about his beefs with me and our life. I realised how much of myself I lost in the kids and home and him and I am no mystery nor conquest for him.
I am open to any and all suggestions and support.

Colleen
M 21
T 23
BD1 February 2014
BD2 may 2016
S18 , D16
Living in same house different bedrooms