Newby here, desperate for some advice

[JRuss]

Thanks, RD. I guess that's where I struggle. This whole website is called "Divorce Busting", which, to me, seems to entail trying to bust, or avoid a divorce. But then the advice all seems to uniformly say that it is only when you get to a point where you're no longer motivated to prevent the divorce that you might make progress in that regard. I struggled with this when I read DR, too. There's a sort of unknowable Zen to it, which is why I screwed up my courage to ask if anyone had real, practical advice for that thing that has to happen in your brain. You call it acceptance, and that's probably what it is. But I feel so acutely the pull of time, and I so much want to keep this from happening (I'm so scared of what will happen to our kids), that I was hoping to find some practical tips from getting from Point A (not working, at all, I admit it) to Point B (where I'm really, truly implementing without expectation). I suspect the answer is that there are no shortcuts, and I just wish I'd started all of this -- the right way -- so much earlier.

Getting busy with cadet's homework.